An Ode to Vonnegut. Brilliance Takes its Own Path. #poetry

With great respect, this is a portion of a response I completed for an assignment on Gifted Learners who also have another diagnosis; in this case, I chose Vonnegut, an accomplished writer with a mood disorder.  May he rest in peace.  ❤

 

From “A Speculative Perspective”  by Pamela Schloesser Canepa (c) 2018

 

I  spent my life thinking,

Imagining, responding with feeling

Struggling with identity and loss,

At times, emotions reeling.

 

I didn’t do it their way

(You don’t have to, my friend).

Some brains work differently;

Mine won’t conform or bend.

 

Opportunities before me,

A scholar I could have been.

Though I did not make the grades…

I still built worlds with my pen.

 

***I have been fortunate enough to learn many things in a course for teaching Gifted students.  Not all gifted students will graduate with honors, and not all are gifted in the same way.  Some students have special challenges in addition to being intellectually different from their peers.  I enjoyed this recent assignment in which I could study a bio of a gifted or brilliant famous person who also had a disability or mood disorder and then respond with either a written analysis or poem about them and their challenges.  From the list, I chose Vonnegut and have since started to read that Vonnegut book I bought for my Kindle months go.  I’m so glad I did!  Having dealt with mood disorder in a loved one, I have often worried about their place in society.  Reading Vonnegut’s bio and background truly inspired me and warmed my heart to see that he lived a long, full life.  We all have our own path.

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#Weekend Coffee Share. Dogiversary!

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at eclecticali.wordpress.com!

I hope you don’t mind being sniffed! My dog is very curious around new people. Don’t worry about setting your coffee down; he has never tried to get into my cup and seems to understand the need to sit around and take one’s time with a cup of java.

Life has been busy like usual, but I had some time with old friends Thursday at dinner, and then Friday was a day off from work, so I had lunch with some old friends who have now retired, and we did a little shopping. It was a slightly indulgent day, but the best part was the laughter! I really enjoyed myself.

When I got home, my dog came running to the door to see me, as always.  He manages to always make me feel loved and missed.  Tomorrow, it will have been four years since we adopted this furry bundle of fun and days later, were allowed to bring him home!

It was Nov. 11, 2014.  Work was super-stressful for me.  My son was going through some personal trouble and had dropped out of college for the first time.  He was not working and seemed depressed most days.  I was feeling inadequate as a mom.  I’d write poems now and then to express my feelings, but nothing longer than that.  I had stories inside of me but didn’t know which story I could share with the world, or how.  My hand and arm would get sore from typing I did at work; I wasn’t sure I’d ever write the way I wanted to.  I’d thought of having a dog before, but the thought of having another mouth to feed and a living thing that needed attention just seemed like nothing but another responsibility. Still, my son was alone at home during the day, and people with dogs looked so happy and active.

So, Mom and I talked about it a lot.  She went with my son and found the sweetest dog in the puppy room.  He wasn’t a puppy, but rather three years old, and just too small for the big dog area.  Mom came home and said she was in love.  If we got a dog, she really wanted Bixby.  So, having a day off on Veteran’s Day and with Jacksonville Humane Society running an adoption special, I took my son up there to see this dog.  Mom was at work.  Guess what?  She was right.  He was special, and such a sweet dog.  The sign said “pomeranian mix.”  It was mostly in his tail.  🙂  He was skinny with a choppy haircut. The worker lifted him out of the cage; he seemed scared.  We got into a visiting room, and he sniffed like crazy, then peed on the floor.  I started the paperwork.  He let me hold him briefly, then got up to pee on the floor again.

Bixby21110141504-01 Upon meeting: Skinny, curious, and a little hopeful but unsure.  

I’d have to wait two days, because he was on a stray hold.  I requested the neutering, and they’d give him any other shots, etc.  I hated leaving there without a dog, but going back was exciting!  I’d already bought a leash, but learned it was not a good leash, so they gave me a plain, cloth leash.  I paid at the checkout, and my son held the dog.  He was an excited and scared canine.  “Get me out of here!”  “Wait, where are we going?  Is it better there?”  And then there was a defensive pit behind the cashwrap next to the cashier who barked back and forth with my dog and even lunged a little.  It had been abused and her hair was following out, due to stress, the cashier said.  I don’t think it would have fared well out with all the other barking dogs.  Poor girl.  We held on tightly to our new dog.  Finally, we were leaving, and I had to let him down to walk, but it was awkward with him on a leash.  Maybe he wasn’t used to one.

We came home and surprised my mother.  (The three of us live together).  “Oh, Mom, I have to show you something.” The dog, sniffing around like crazy.  My mom was so ecstatic when she saw him.  He was sickly for a few days, maybe due to the switch of dog food or the neutering procedure, but we gelled as a family.  I took to walking him and being awakened at sunrise by the dog to take him out to water his favorite lamp post.  The fresh air was good; seeing sunrise was wonderful.  Walking him at night was good exercise.  I really enjoyed this.  There are three of us here, so I usually only walk him once a day now.  It seems I was able to handle the responsibility; I just needed to make room in my life and in my heart for this.  I think it made my heart bigger.

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My son did not take to the dog ecstatically; it was just another responsibility.  A few times, he asked why I wanted a dog.  I told him it was fun, and it was.  Our first time at the dog park months later was the cutest thing. Bixby loved it, but my son just took a long walk.  Now, years later, he plays with the dog more, and if asked, he will walk him.  He smiles when playing with the dog and when hold the leash if we go to the trails to walk.  It obviously has enriched his life as well.  The dog will be in my mom’s room at bedtime, and sometime in the middle of the night, he seems to end up on my bed.  I tell people he loves us equally.  He has two mamas to spoil him, and my son to play rough with, as well as my boyfriend who loves to play chase with him but also will stroke his belly.  Bixby will stay still at least an hour for a good belly rub.

BixbyAttentionSpring.1511017189_10204309156118039_5310059356135541166_n  Winter fur.  We normally keep him trimmed! 🙂

Since getting the dog, I have added several other things to my life, such as service to my church and writing and self-publishing.  I think getting Bixby was just the start of it, helping me to say “Yes, I can do this” and to make time for wonderful things that are rounding out my life and who I am as a person.

So, this ends my dog-centered Weekend Coffee Share.  My Cold brew Con Leche was delicious.  I hope you have enjoyed your choice of java as well.  My dog is currently at the front window, guarding me from whoever had just walked by.  You’ve got to appreciate their efforts to love us, calm us, and protect us.

 

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Bixby is the star of my short book, From Lost to Loved, a Stray Dog’s Tale.  I tried to imagine why such a great dog would ever be a stray.  It makes a great gift in paperback for doglovers young or old (Age 8 to 98+), and has a happy ending.  If you want to read it first on your own, it is in Kindle for free for a limited time.  Find your Kindle copy or order a paperback at: https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Loved-Stray-Dogs-Tale-ebook/dp/B073XTV2JF

Lost to Loved

A wonderful experience of combining two things I really love!  Have a great week!

#Weekend Coffee Share. Of Coffee…. and Books!

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8 a.m.- Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at eclecticali.wordpress.com! Today is the day of my first ever book-signing, something I have been dreaming of since I first decided I might like being a writer at age twenty. Pardon me if I am a little distracted….I will be adding to this post later, after the book signing, so that I can tell you how it went! For now, I have half a cup of coffee with cream, as I am sure to grab a cup later at the coffee shop directly across from the bookstore, San Marco Books.

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I’ll be signing my novel, Detours in Time, and the sequel, Undercurrents in Time. Detours in Time is my pride and joy. Undercurrents is also special to me, but with a different tone and focus. It’s like knowing you want liquorice, but today you want red liquorice, and yesterday only black liqourice would do. I’ll be signing the books at a lovely little indie bookstore in the best of areas, sitting at a table at the front of the store on a beautiful day in Florida! Excuse me, I need to stop talking about it and actually do this!

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10 p.m.- Okay, so the day is now over! I had more than half a cup of coffee. However, I had no more than that. A friend offered to get me something at the sandwich shop across the street, and I asked for sweet tea. It got me a little wired. Perhaps that was due to my already being nervous and excited. It worked out though. The weather was wonderful. I had lots of supportive friends come out, some I hadn’t seen in quite a while, and I talked to plenty of new people about my books, passing out postcards with my website info. This one friend really surprised me though:

Turns out, a few of my friends surprised me by wearing t–shirts they got made just for the occasion! My heart was aflutter. Just for me? I have the best friends in the world, and I feel so loved! They gave my mom a shirt as well, since she is my number one supporter and fan!

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This day was a dream come true. Do you know just how long I’ve dreamed of this? My heart is full!

Follow the current Weekend Coffee Shares here:  Weekend Coffee Share 11/03

Oct. 29, 1929. #poetry

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Oct. 29, 1929 by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

(c) 2018

On this day in 1929,

A crash was felt

to haunt us for all time,

 

For we depend on the paper god.

We are made whole

by what can be bought.

 

People felt it was the end.

No hope remained

and no godsend.

 

Children starving in mothers’ arms

Kids stealing and fighting

before the morning alarm.

 

Did we learn a single thing?

Out of this history,

does awareness ring?

 

Or is it simply a dark blight,

a blimp on our story,

to share on dark nights.

 

For this is the true horror tale,

Leaders, mothers, fathers failed.

and innocence, at once, assailed.

 

We’re all gearing up for Halloween and watching our favorite horror flicks to prepare, but did you know that today, in 1929, the stock market crash occurred that would lead the United States into the Great Depression?  Truly, what could be scarier than imagining what it felt like to be alive that day?  Is it worth remembering, is it a cautionary tale, or am I just obsessing over bygones?  Nonetheless, it is history, our history, and much can be learned from it.  

 

That Spark. #poetry

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The field behind my Aunt Leanne’s home in the late 1970’s. She has been gone for a year now. I will always remember the effect she had on me as a child with her love and encouragement.

That Spark. (c) 2018, by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

When you were young

you felt different, thought you were the only one.

Now, you’ve crammed so much in your mind

It seems there is not enough time

Still, you struggle so that you can see

The hint of the best you can be.

It doesn’t just mean following someone’s rules

You are much more than a useful tool.

Hold onto it, keep it close within your heart.

Just stay awake, and never lose that spark.

Remember when you used to talk to that horse? Do you recall the story you wrote about a horse? Embrace the child within and let it fuel your actions today. Never lose your whimsy or what makes you unique.

In memory of Leanna Schloesser Wallace.

#Weekend Coffee Share. Of Introverting, Business, and Balance

Weclome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at Eclectic Ali WordPress. I have so much going on in my head I can’t type prose right now!  Nor can I churn out an emotional poem. Perhaps I am using the other side of my brain more this week?  Grades are due in the next week, and I have been pulling my hair coming up with personalized plans for my students to make strides in the reading standards for English Language Arts.  Yes, it’s a little analytical for me.  But I’ll get it done!  Add to that the online course I am taking.  Ugh…

There is good news, though:  a Book signing is scheduled for my first full-length novel, Detours in Time, and I will also have some of the sequel, Undercurrents in Time at the book signing on Sat., Nov. 3rd, 10 am to 2 pm at San Marco Bookstore in Jacksonville, FL, in case any of you are in town!  I’m excited, and I’m planning, thinking about marketable tactics, planning a good night’s sleep the night before. (Hope it works)!

So, this weekend is that of an introvert’s lifestyle.  Analyzing data, working on personalized plans, and grading while sitting in the living room with my son watching “Logan,” a tale of the aging Wolverine.  I love to nerd out.  Luckily, I’d seen it before, or I’d have to put the work down!  I suppose this counts as quality family time with my twenty-two year old son?  After he went to bed, I chilled out with Netflix’s “Maniac,” a truly weird, yet engaging tale.  Last weekend, my boyfriend and I discovered “Unbreakable” from 2000, and now I want to watch all the others in the series!

In all this, I have been feeling the aches of arthritis pain this week, and I skipped yoga again!  Big mistake.  A little walk this morning made me feel better though.  Yeah, it’s truly an introverting weekend, but don’t read me wrong.  I am planning a lot of socializing in November and will have my conversation face on for the book signing!  I love talking about my books!  Overall, I am still going.  I can’t stop.  My big break may be just around the corner, or, I may be working on the side hustle until retirement allows me to write full-time.  Either way, I can do this!

Thank you for the visit.  My coffee really energized me this morning, and I am well-rested after last night!  I hope you feel fueled this morning as well.  Have a great week!

#Weekend Coffee Share. A Poem for Every Emotion.

Cappuccino, Coffee, Cafe, Empty  An empty cup means we have filled our hearts with fellowship and companionship, no matter how briefly.

Welcome to the Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at eclecticali.wordpress.com.  I am full of emotions today.  Full of love for my job where I can share my love for reading and writing with some cute, young, sometimes challenging, and at times, fun students.  Full of disappointment over my hurting arm and hand and the brief stop my writing has done for the time being, therefore this is a short post.  I’m also full of confusion and despair over the turn our country is taking for women.  Yet, I am full of hope that we have some control over the way things will turn.  The wheel keeps on turning.  I am simply going to draw a little picture here:

Freedom, (c) 2018

We are not considered the ones in charge

Yet, we are full of power

We are the thorny plant and not the flower.

We are the wild brush of the jungle.

No longer tame,

no need to be restrained.

When I hold my tongue to spare your feelings,

Or sit, thinking I can’t reach the ceiling

I have believed all that they said

Politics have ruled my heart and head.

When I am too diplomatic, my thoughts sour

Stuck in this headspace, a day or an hour,

so here, I’m going to spill it on the table

Let it form it’s lovely colors, if it’s able.

If you’ve listened, and really heard

You are my friend by deed, and not just word.

 

Thank you for hearing me out.  I think I needed this.  I hope you all have a lovely week.  Visit Alli’s blog to share your own post or to visit others! https://eclecticali.wordpress.com/category/series-of-sorts/if-we-were-having-coffee/