Life’s Ceaseless Circus

(C) 2021, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

My life is a three-ring circus, but someone forgot the popcorn.

I am a performer that sometimes falls at breakneck speed,

Never allowed to simply sit in the stands.

Sometimes I fret over how I have performed…

I sometimes am greeted by smiles, and other times, worry lines.

After a fall, I dust myself off and practice my turns, I can not give up.

Maybe it never slows down, and I’ll need to stay well-rehearsed

Maybe I should call the shots and require performer’s rights

Being a one-woman show who enlists others to join

We’ll dance with elephants and laugh with the monkeys while singing jolly songs

I don’t control this circus, but I can set the tone.

The smile on my face is my choice, the reaction I choose is my dance on the wire.

Respecting the Flame, #poetry

Photo by Skully MBa on Pexels.com

Today was my 15th day in the “Soul Coaching” book which gives 28 days of digging deeper and examining our lives with each week representing one of the four elements.

This is Fire Week. As you can tell from Monday’s Flash fiction post, the concept of fire has been present in my thoughts and my life, with its ability to destroy and rebuild things, to give us opportunities to start anew, etc. I, however, have found a need for balance. Still, fire showed up in my life and I said, “Okay. I will survive.” I had to let go of some things I held dear and move on toward newness. As the book says, “face your shadow self,’ and ‘examine your fears.’ I am now aiming to thrive amidst the fires of change and maybe even use them to my benefit.

This has inspired me to write a poem this week:

Respecting the Flame, (c) 2021

Some people never feel the burn

they fear it and won’t let the tables turn.

They won’t even let it smolder long

They feel it will destroy and set things wrong.

True, a fire can diminish all in its wake,

but remember its sharp ability to create–

to make something new of what was before,

to push us forward and knock down stubborn doors.

Fire symbolism turns up in expected places this week! Evening walk.

Weekend Coffee Share, Of Sunrise and 1,000 Mornings

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share,  hosted by Natalie the Explorer. It has been a green tea day for me. Enjoy whatever beverage you like! “Caution” by the Killers is playing in the background, a lively, hopeful tune.

This past week, I had an opportunity for walking the beach with a good friend. I’m still reading the 28 days of Soul-Coaching book, so maybe it colors everything I see, including a gray day! On Beach-walking: “The skies above may be gray, but my feet are grateful to be grounded on cooler sand and pavement today as I connected with the earth while beach walking with Judy.” She and I just talk and talk, about anything. It’s awesome and we enjoy it!

Morning Beach-walking with my son, circa 2006.

On the subject of mornings, I have found that I’m regularly waking up this summer before 7 a.m., due to the angle of the sunlight through my window. It peeks through the slats in my blinds and comes through the sheer curtain that hangs there. I don’t mind it, because at other times of the day when I am in there, I find the sunlight cheering. Not only that, but it will be helpful to be used to waking early when I have to go back to work. I’m not really a night owl anymore. I’m probably healthier this way anyhow.

From a poetry book I just finished reading, titled 1,000 Mornings by Mary Oliver: “…who would cry out to the petals on the ground to stay, knowing as we must, how the vivacity of what was is married to the vitality of what will be? ” This poem was called LINES WRITTEN IN THE DAYS OF GROWING DARKNESS. I’ve been pondering a lot about my past and the changes that have occurred in my life, how everything happens for a reason, and I’m trying to make those reasons positive, not always easy, right? I’m also discovering that there is a Season for everything. You have to see it for what it is. I’m still working on that, and can’t really be any more specific at this time. 🙂

My house is still too quiet at times though. I am not working this summer, so it really is noticeable, the absence of my son. July is travel month; that will be sure to help. I am still catching up with old friends, which is very fulfilling. Sometimes you can easily be open and honest with someone if you’ve known them a really long time, no matter how long it’s been since you conversed.

Mom had a cataract surgery this week, and I drove her. It went smoothly, and she is noticing a difference already. Her appointment was really early Wednesday, so when we returned home, I slept a lot. The silence is good for that, but it still seems too silent for me. Bixby seems to have adjusted. I just have to keep busy with reading, writing, reaching out to people, etc. That is the plan.

In the writing arena, I have been working on a short story for publication in early July. It is going to be part of a contest. I will definitely let you all know when the publication date comes closer. The book about Ellie is in my mind, but I haven’t made more progress yet. I decided I have to outline the ideas, and I likely need a full-throttle coffee day, since I have not had one in a good while. Then I could possibly work on it for several hours. It just may tickle the muse into inspiring me!

That is all I have for this week. I’m still getting a lot of down time and relaxation, and I’m sure that is just what I needed this summer. I hope you all are doing well and will have a great weekend! Happy Father’s day to those who are fathers.

You may visit Natalie’s Coffee Share and view those of others in the blogger community at http://natalietheexplorer.home.blog

Releasing the Pain. #poetry (Revisited)

Photo by Vijay Sadasivuni on Pexels.com

Originally published (c) 2009 Pamela Schloesser Canepa

I write, I express

and I press so hard

The hurt in my shoulder

like little glass shards

****

I focus, I strive

My thoughts so intense

The weight on me

at times feels so dense.

*****

Pop! I let the pressure out, let it rise

like a balloon at its demise…

Powerless, away with the wind it goes

The fear and the pain that I once held so close.

*Revised version, 2021

One or Two, All Together. #RDP #poetry

Photo by Lisa on Pexels.com

(c) 2021, by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

They say the loneliest number is one,

but when all is said and done

Together can become empty, and you ask why?

Sometimes there’s a point, they no longer look you in the eye.

******

Sometimes, when you are just one

reaching out to many, you feel more whole

because when trying to stay together,

you denied and shuttered areas of your soul.

*****

You may be blessed to stay together,

or as one, you can still withstand the weather

You be you; as one or part of two, neither one is better.

***

***Subscribe to the Ragtag Daily Word Prompt; join in one day and see what comes out in words. See today’s Word Challenge prompt at https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2021/06/09/rdp-wednesday-together/

Subscribe to their blog for daily word prompts at https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com

Morning Bliss. #poetry

Photo by WARREN BLAKE on Pexels.com

Poem by Pamela Schloesser Canepa, (c) 2021

~~~

The dog comes back in, pep in his step

dirt stuck to his back, paws gray.

I laugh at his small blissful rebellion

As he will be bathed today.

I hope he got the best from that moment!

~~~~~

The sun peaks in gently, not fierce

Where I’ve left the door open a crack…

I hear the birds as I breathe in the fresh air;

and though soon, oppressive summer will be back,

Today, it is still Spring.

~

Sun salutation!

Weekend Coffee Share, Grounding. #poetry

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. On this busy week, I struggled with sleep then made up for it all last night. 🙂 It’s a green matcha tea morning, and I’d like to share a poem I wrote and intended to publish earlier this week. This way, I can get to the park with my dog sooner! I’ll drop by some of your Coffee shares later.

Another day to wake up, clean up, show up.

Realizing philosophizing is making me want to throw up.

So, today I’ll stop looking at the skies and wondering why

I’ll turn my gaze down to the creatures on the ground

The ones that surround and keep me company,

I will rise and shine like the birds chirping this morning,

the sunshine peeking over the trees providing light and warming

The dog that is sniffing at the door to be let out

Then asks to come back in with a bark that shouts,

“Thank you for the outing, but I want to be with you!

I’ll need an outing later, but there are other things to do.”

I reach out and let him ground me

Let his love and kid-like joy surround me.

.

It is what it is, beyond our control,

But you can still love life, deep in your soul

Can I forget for a moment, what baffles me

and live each moment joyfully?

Poetically Gobsmacked

(C) 2021, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

You arrange your blocks

You build a world

A microcosm

Holding your thoughts and feelings

It may have others gobsmacked but it holds your healing

It may seem like a cypher

Or may send them reeling

Did she really mean that?

If you wrote it for you, then you meant it…

If you meant it, you could change the world

If they’re gobsmacked, then they get it

Don’t hold back…words are like knives, or a gentle mother’s arms

They can heal and strengthen us, instead of causing harm.

Weekend Coffee Share, Milestones

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Good morning! Join me with my V8 and green matcha tea. Yesterday was coffee day, and I needed it to handle that middle school energy. It is gray outside, but my home cafe is playing The Bandit, new from The Kings of Leon, and it brightens my spirit. That voice…From their new song, Supermarket:”I’m going nowhere, if you’ve got the time.” Why, yes, yes I do. Needless to say, their new album is on my Youtube playlist.

This song played on my car radio yesterday on my way home from work. It had been such a stressful day, and if I’m not careful, I’ll feel old because of it…but I am resisting! The Bandit reminds me of a mix of INXS and U2, bringing thoughts of the Spring of my 15th year, a time of so many changes. Changes are not easy, but they are the hallmark of growth. So, I am going to focus on that today instead of talking about the stresses of my job. I feel I am managing them appropriately, and that’s all I need to say on that today. 🙂

I am surrounded by middle-schoolers going through vast changes, some growing wiser with their struggles, some consistent and solid yet growing taller or exhibiting voice changes. Others are struggling and reacting, and all I can do is try to reach them. I remember a lot of my ups and downs in the pre-teen and teen years and am able to look back and see the good in it all. This is a part of my job, to empathize and treat them with understanding. Again, if I focus on this instead of the stress of teaching in a pandemic in a system that does not have adequate resources, for instance, only two guidance counselors for a school of 1200 students. I play many parts at times and have learned to embrace that.

Yesterday morning, feeling the winds of Spring, I wrote this poem in response to my sometimes tired, challenged by middle schoolers, yet rejuvenated by the few who appreciate me feelings: https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2021/04/16/spirit/

Age 15.

My son seems to be doing well on his own. His job and responsibilities are perhaps keeping him focused. I text him every morning. He always replies quickly. So, I know he is waking up and going to work. Working keeps him on a straight path, gives him purpose, and this is good. His 25th birthday is Monday. Yikes! So many memories will come back. My doctor, the doctor who delivered him, is retiring this year. Fitting, in the year my son is reaching for independence. May this reach be successful!

Memories and Milestones! 1996

Have a great weekend, friends and fellow bloggers! Keep it light, keep it hopeful, and always carry some sort of shovel for the days that the murky depths which you must navigate are especially thick and deep. We’ve got this! Namaste!

Spirit. #poetry

(C) 2021, by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

A spirit will not grow old

Unless you let it.

The flame of Youth is always there

Don’t squash it

With doubts, distrust, experience, and every outcome you think you know.

Rekindle the spark, enthusiasm, innocence, expectation of good things….

Don’t turn away fron the sun because you know it’s going to set

Let the sunset calm you just as

A sunrise will break open your heart

With excitement and hope.

Let your spirit learn from the dark

But keep the innocence of hope,

So your spirit will not whither in darkness,

But expands to make room for all you know, feel, and desire.

If you don’t cast out either, Can wisdom and innocence co-exist in your soul?

I believe it.