Silent? #poetry

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(c) 2017, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

I am only silent

since I think before I speak. 

I am only silent   

because I’m not ready.  Don’t rush me. 

I’m silent because I think things through,

because there is so much, 

Not because I’m less than you. 

I’m silent not because there’s nothing there, 

but because there’s so much there

beyond this moment.

When all is shuffled and well-placed,

I shall no more be silent.

 

 

#WeekendCoffeeShare: Out of Chaos…

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Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Happy Saturday, fellow bloggers.  What a much needed Saturday it is!  Work has been hectic lately, life has been hectic, even my writing has felt hectic.  Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share!  If we were having coffee today, on the 13th of May, I’d tell you:

Somedays work is really a challenge as we move closer to the end of the year.  However, I did something with my students to end out the week:  Collaborative Discussion.  I am pleased to say that I enjoyed it!  Yes, they’re still antsy because of Spring and the impending end of the school year, yes, I had to remind some of them to stop being silly, but they even made me laugh at some points.  I got to see that some of them have really grown in their thinking about our texts and in their self-expression.  That was priceless.

Life is, well, life.  I miss the A to Z Blogging Challenge, but I wouldn’t have time to blog every day anyhow.  I’ve had a hard time with my son turning 21.  I had to set some rules in writing for the household, which took some thought.  Still, I’m glad I did it.  It’s not easy seeing your child make mistakes or bad choices, and it’s also not easy standing back to see them fall flat on their face just to learn their lesson.  I had many years to teach those lessons, but he had two different households and two totally different parents influencing him.  I’ll go no further so as not to make this a venting session about my ex.  🙂

Writing.  I said it was hectic.  I regret not having time to enter the short story challenges here on WordPress.  It’s easy to meet other inspired writers that way, and it’s so rewarding to create a little world within 100-250 worlds.  I guess I miss that, too.  I’ll have to miss it because I’m working on editing my full-length time travel novel in the hopes of publishing it this summer.  It’ll be self-published, of course, because that is the way I do things right now.  Over the last month or two, I’ve read two books about self-publishing and promotion, one by Derek Murphy, which was very helpful and packed with ideas.  I recommend it.  The title is Guerrilla Publishing.

In the Writing/Author world, I have published a short story on Smashwords about a stray dog’s life until meeting his forever home called From Lost to Loved, A Stray Dog’s Tale for free download.  I have two freebie programs going on in the effort to get my name out there a little further.  One is a limited time Instafreebie where people can get my first novella, Made for Me, in digital form free when they sign up for my newsletter.  See it and sign up at https://instafreebie.com/free/UsMtE . The other is an Amazon giveaway of the e-book, Seeing Through Sampson’s Eyes, the darker, more dangerous progeny of Made for Me.  It only runs until about 9 p.m. tonight (May 13th), EST. This giveaway is aimed at getting more Amazon followers.  Plus, two more people will be reading my sci-fi, coming of age tale of a young woman whose dad wasn’t fully human.  Before tonight, you can enter at https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/35b50ae59e6ba24d

Why all of this at once?  I started the Amazon giveaway last night when I just had no energy for editing.  The brain must be in the right place, you know, and I was tired. When I am ready to release my full-length novel, I won’t have time for the rest of this.  These freebies can only help to get my name and my work out there.  I’ve had 74 entries for the Amazon giveaway since last night!  When I do the novel release, I may have to invest in a Twitter service for my other novels.  Plus, who knows if I may be editing and getting these last minute ideas for the novel right up until publishing?  I’ve never done so many stages of a novel for publication.  Some tell me this is how it’s really done.  I’m learning, though.  Now, I should stop talking about editing, and go back to actually editing!  I hope everyone has a great week!

The Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Emily at nerdinthebrain.com.  I urge you to write your own #weekendcoffeeshare.  Be sure to use the hashtag in your post, then visit Emily’s latest at http://www.nerdinthebrain.com/weekendcoffeeshare-the-one-where-im-off-exploring-wacky-stuff/  and add your own to her link-up.

*If you’re wondering about my “chaotic” title, it’s just something jumping around in my brain that hasn’t found a place to land.  I couldn’t hold it in, though.  It sort of needs to take root before becoming a full idea.  I hope it didn’t cause confusion or leave you disappointed in the details of my week.  🙂  Hectic/ Chaotic.  All different shades of meaning.

Z is for Zone. #AtoZChallenge

narrative-794978_12801 Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

I am in the zone lately, reading and writing like a maniac, learning marketing ideas as an indie author, and escaping into fiction reading just as often.

I wanted to write about something Zen for Z,  but let’s be honest, I have no true idea about Zen.  My home life is a little chaotic.  Work is terribly busy, so I just escape into a book.  It’s nothing new; I’ve done it all my life.  I had my phases where I’d binge watch certain things on Netflix, but I can’t seem to make myself a passive recipient of others’ ideas right now.  I don’t think reading someone’s book is passive at all.

“Zone out” means you become inattentive or unbothered, and I have to use that in my life right now.  There have been many changes in my home, and I have to accept them. Know what helps?  Getting in my zone.  Every now and then I have to reconnect with those around me, though.

I look forward to telling you more about what’s happening in my zone in the next few weeks.

*For the month of April, I’ve participated in the April A to Z Blogger’s Challenge!  Can you believe it’s just about over?  I’ve done it!  Each day this month, I have written something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been challenging and fun while giving me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

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Y is for Yesterday. #AtoZChallenge #NAPOWRIMO

Colorado1991.20741_1324079669700_5583546_n Photo taken of me in 1991 while in CO.

(c) 2017, by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

Yesterday I was young,

but a new day has begun.

Every day is youngest at its dawn

If I look ahead I can go on.

 

Yesterday has brought me here,

why would I deny it?

Yet, I can’t stop at yesterday,

Nor can I sit beside it.

 

Let’s sing a song of yesterday,

when we were fresher, younger,

then put such thoughts safely away,

and as new people, strive onward.

*I’ve joined the April A to Z Blogger’s Challenge!  Can you believe it’s almost over?  I’ve just about done it!  Each day this month, I have written something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been challenging and fun while giving me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

X is for Xenophobia. #AtoZChallenge #amwriting

No, this is not a preachy post on how we should all appreciate other cultures (though we should).  It is my understanding that xenophobia goes much deeper than culture shock and seems to be the resistance to adjusting to the fact that not everyone is like oneself.  Some don’t know the difference.  I am in the process of writing and editing that includes the culture shock one might experience if they went several years into the future.  One character seems to be close-minded about it.  Is she a xenophobic?  I am not an expert, but I had an interesting time creating the culture-shock in my most recent fiction story.   The book comes out in mid-June.  Here is some back story:

If you could take the ultimate escape, where would you go?  In November of 2015, I envisioned just that.  I would go to the future.  Things were a little rough in my family at the time, and I’d often take walks with the dog at night, staring up into the sky at the stars and wondering if I’d be able to visit them in any way other than imagination.  People in my online writer’s groups were going on and on about NANOWRIMO.  I thought about it, and decided I’d start typing a time travel story, but on my own timeline.  From this experience, I do kind of think writing saves my sanity.

At the end of November, I’d typed 30,000 words and had no idea how I’d end the story.  I just started imagining and typing and provided myself the escape I needed.  In January 2016, I took a James Patterson Master Writing class.  Man, I love his accent.  At any rate, I finished the novel by the end of January with approximately 66,000 words.  In the summer of 2016, I gave the manuscript a preliminary edit and had my mother, my first beta reader, give it a read-through.

I’ve recently paid someone to edit it and have had a book cover made.  By mid-June,  I hope to have this sci-fi novel published and available!   If it sounds interesting, please follow me on Amazon at  http://amzn.to/1t3BYGU and sign up for my author newsletter at http://t.co/Gj6d3CXMZq if you’d like to get a free 20-page sci-short story for download.

Way to throw in author promo., I suppose.  I guess I just really wanted to talk about the book.  Happy reading and writing, fellow bloggers!

*I’ve joined the April A to Z Blogger’s Challenge!  Each day this month, I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.comBlog2017 Badge

W is for Wander. #AtoZChallenge

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Photo taken in 2016.

Oh to wander

down a long winding path

on a windy day,

with unweighted debris tossed about.

 

Oh to wander,

where we’ll briefly lose our way

I miss these wonders.

My wandering warrior wants out.

 

*I’ve joined the April A to Z Blogger’s Challenge!  Each day this month, I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

 

Victim and Victor. #AtoZChallenge

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Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

In departing from the usual format of the AtoZ Blogger’s challenge and therefore, presenting two “V” words, I am writing for those who fight a daily battle.  They struggle with their own nature or issues of depression, anxiety, other various mental illnesses, addiction, self-doubt, obsession, etc.  Sometimes the person is both the victor and the victim.  They are a victim to their illness but emerge a victor every 24 hours that they’re alive to see a new day, wake up sober, or go to bed in their own home because they did not get lost or side-tracked.  Between the victor and the victim, though, one does not always destroy the other, but rather, sometimes they just shake hands at night and say, “We’re done fighting for now.”

Yet, for many, that battle picks right up the next morning.  For others, the battle rages on through the night, despite meds and various med changes.  Many of us suffer these things in one way or another at different degrees.  I get riddled with anxiety at times over things I can’t control or I feel I could have changed, had I done things differently. Sometimes I worry about the future. (If x happens, then I will….) I don’t know what I’ll do in the future, but I hope I’ll do it with love for the person who needs it.   I am fortunate to say that this is not a daily battle, but an occasional occurrence, perhaps when things just pile up for me.

Many of us have loved ones like this who fight that battle daily.  It’s enough to make you want to cry to see them struggle so.  There is a period of mourning.  However, I think there must be a co-existence with their struggle.  There needs to be a time of rejoicing for the victories they have made, like that of simply living and of not giving up.  Yes, it may seem odd to simply rejoice for the fact of a person going on living, except that many of us have almost lost them, a few times too many.  I’ve been helped by participating in online forums with others who fight this battle either with the illness or with accepting the illness in a loved one.  I can’t describe what goes on in my loved one’s mind; it’s not my story to tell.  Only learning to love the reality of who this person has become is.

We all mourned when Carrie Fisher passed away, but she was a victor who went on living for sixty years of life and wrote honestly about her struggle with mental illness and drug abuse.  There are many who have fallen victim to their struggle of the mind, but also, many who have been victorious.  I feel she was truly victorious, and several of her books opened my eyes regarding the struggle with mental illness.

I salute all of the victors who may have their coping mechanisms that seem strange to the rest of us.  We, their loved ones, cannot be victorious over their struggle, only they can.  That is a tough realization.  Especially if you are the parent.  We want to show our kids it will be alright, yet, we can’t guarantee that.  We want to tell them to keep taking their meds and the _______(voices, insomnia, sadness, racing thoughts, etc.) will stop. Sometimes they only subside.  Sometimes they come back.  We may feel a victim at times, but we can only be victorious over our own mindset.  We have to co-exist with their struggle and find our place in it, our purpose to them, and our standing as a co-defendant of the person instead of feeling like another victim of their illness.

I write this in honor of someone I love who fights a daily battle within the mind.  I am constantly working on my mindset and how to best accept the situation while always giving my unconditional love.  I won’t pretend that I know it all;  I’m turning to many places for information and support to learn how to respond to daily pitfalls and things I do not understand.  Sometimes, I know I fall short.

 

**The AtoZ Challenge theme for my blog is “Who I am.” Yes, it’s wide open.  In April, I will blog from A to Z to include little tidbits about me, poems I’ll share, and stories. Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.  This topic is closely personal for me.  It has not been a subject of my fiction, yet it colors my characters and situations, no doubt.  It creeps into my blog posts, as well.  It has become a part of my experience.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

P.S. I am currently reading a highly acclaimed book on this subject, titled I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help, written by Dr. Xavier Amador.  I’ve expereienced having to help someone accept their diagnosis.  According to Dr. Amador, lack of insight about one’s illness is suffered by several who have a mental illness.  I am still in the first few chapters, but perhaps I’ll give a more thorough review later.  Check this link for more info.: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0967718929/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_4