Finding Michael. #FFfaw #amwriting

Photo credit, (c) Enisa.

We were eighteen and his parents were tired of worrying.

The note on my step said, “I’m gone.  Hanging out somewhere guarded by two dragons.”  It sounded delusional to me.  His parents were used to his strange speech.  I hadn’t told them he may be reacting to my latest boyfriend.  Michael and I weren’t as close lately, so I felt slightly guilty.

Two weeks later he was still gone.  I enlisted my younger brother one weekend, scouring the town.

Great imagination, or maybe he didn’t want to be found right away.  Sure enough, two dragons were guarding the field where Michael was camping out.

A thinner, tanned Michael smiled and hugged me.  “I didn’t think you cared.”

“Ron may be a cool guy, but I can still care about you.”

“Yeah.  That’s good.” He put his arm down, but kept smiling.  “Thanks for being my friend.”

After all, I was still his friend, despite college and new friends manipulating my time.

I didn’t tell him about breaking up with Ron.

Story: 175 words

 

A prompt photo will be provided each Monday pm to be used as a base to your story. Please include photo prompt with your story.

2. Linking for this challenge begins on Monday pm and runs to the following Monday pm.

3. Please credit photo to photographer.

4. The story word limit is 100 – 150 words (+ – 25 words). Please try and stay within this limit.

5. Please indicate the number of words in your story at the end of your story. (It doesn’t count into the amount of words).

6. This is a flash fiction challenge (stories in 100-175 words or less) and each story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. 

You can join the flash fiction fun at flashfictionforaspiringwriters.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Advertisements

Z is for Zone. #AtoZChallenge

narrative-794978_12801 Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

I am in the zone lately, reading and writing like a maniac, learning marketing ideas as an indie author, and escaping into fiction reading just as often.

I wanted to write about something Zen for Z,  but let’s be honest, I have no true idea about Zen.  My home life is a little chaotic.  Work is terribly busy, so I just escape into a book.  It’s nothing new; I’ve done it all my life.  I had my phases where I’d binge watch certain things on Netflix, but I can’t seem to make myself a passive recipient of others’ ideas right now.  I don’t think reading someone’s book is passive at all.

“Zone out” means you become inattentive or unbothered, and I have to use that in my life right now.  There have been many changes in my home, and I have to accept them. Know what helps?  Getting in my zone.  Every now and then I have to reconnect with those around me, though.

I look forward to telling you more about what’s happening in my zone in the next few weeks.

*For the month of April, I’ve participated in the April A to Z Blogger’s Challenge!  Can you believe it’s just about over?  I’ve done it!  Each day this month, I have written something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been challenging and fun while giving me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

Blog2017 Badge

How Much Do We Need Community?

What do a recent rap song, Johnny Cash, the movie Fight Club, and the Bible have in common?  A post on society and the ones we love. “No man is an island, entire of itself…”  R…

A re-blog of a subject that revisits me constantly. Source: How Much Do We Need Community?

I am Mother. #Poetry

Photo taken in 2008. That’s my son and I; he was twelve at the time.  (And that’s 425 steps)!  A happy memory. 🙂 I have witnessed my son growing up drastically lately.  All part of the process.  I brought out this poem while reflecting on how much he has changed.

austenthrowbackestenhills

copyright 2015, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

I am Mother.

I feed you, clothe you, house you.

I shield you from harm.

You are my child.

I am Mother.

I stand back and let you fall,

Teetering and learning how to get back up.

You are an adult.

How did it come to this?

It seems it happened overnight.

I am supposed to let go.

But what if something bad happens?

I am confused.

As you wallow in the mud,

how can I not reach in to help?

But then how would you learn,

to help yourself?

I am Mother.

I no longer make the rules.

Life won’t tell me what is next.

Nor will you.  Nor do you know.

I feel destined to fail.

I am  still Mother.

Though I will sometimes fail.

And you’ll tell me I’m wrong.

I still love you always,

Even when I gracefully lose.

I am still your Mother.

And I will never quit. 

 

 

The stamped, addressed envelope

 

IMG_0163

5-26-16:  I just put it in the mail today, and I had struggled over the decision to fax it or not.  The deciding factor was that I would not have to explain to anyone what I was sending, would not risk them seeing what I was sending, had I gone to a Kinko’s or faxed it from my work office.  It would bring up my awkward, conflicted thoughts.  Now it may take longer, but it’s so much easier to lick the envelope, seal it and stamp it, and then send it  without a word to anyone.  I won’t have to hide these feelings when I stand in awkward silence, or feel I have to try to explain to someone that I am letting go of a dream.

I just sent the notice to cancel my son’s college fund, and to get a refund on the remaining amount.  At first, it was a glorious feeling, knowing I’d have that money coming in to pay for a summer vacation, and to fund my summer of doing nothing but writing, promoting my writing, and doing other enjoyable things.  It was a relief.  But the reality of sealing and stamping the envelope just brought up these conflicted feelings.  You see, it made me look back.  Back at how he loved going to the college campus but would not keep up with his studies, and the frightening alcohol overdose that landed him into the E.R and into a downward spiraling depression during that first term of college.   This was on top of some of the problems he was already having.  Of course, he withdrew, and didn’t do much, until, a year later, he tried college again.  He struggled in his classes and could not keep up again, told me I was not helping him enough, then told me to leave him alone when I tried to help.  I’d already decided I would not pay for a tutor.  I had done that through his high school years.  The college fund that paid for his tuition was opened by me when he was an infant and I made payments for 18 years.  It was hard to look at him losing a grasp on that dream I had for him.  It was sad as well, because he really enjoyed the open campus and just being there.  After dropping out, he once again, was not doing much, and appeared to feel lousy about himself for a while.

Enter the job opportunity.  A friend of the family helped him get a full-time job.  It earns entry level pay, but there are opportunities for advancement and technical training.  He is doing some really hard dirty work and is enjoying it.  He never complains! I’m amazed.  Recently, I decided to accept that he wasn’t going to college, and to cash in the college fund, depositing it into a retirement account.  Well, it makes sense to set some aside for this unemployed summer that I am about to enter.  I really do need a rest, but not only that, I really do want to continue writing and drumming up interest for my work, because that encourages me to write more.  You may have figured out that writing is my passion.

It took me a couple of days to mail this thing, but, I guess, I am using it to pursue my dreams.  Some of it will go into my retirement account.  I’m trying to feel better about this again.  It is not only going to help me pursue my dreams,  it also represents my letting go, as hard as this is, a dream I constructed for someone else, someone who needs the freedom to construct his own dreams.

There are so many different ways to let go.  Ways we have to let go.  The final step in this scenario was for me to let that stuffed envelope go that I’ve been holding onto for days.  There is really no way we can foresee the future for our children, or the roads they will take.  But we can have faith, that it will be a blessed path, where every misstep leads to wisdom, laughter, or important lessons learned.

AustenBabyAndMe.96.16841_1312867349399_3054698_n  1996.  Loved then, still loved now. ❤

When I Write, I Share Myself #sequel #communication

SampsonsEyes2Untitled design(10)

I have realized, thanks to a friend’s suggestion, that writing can be a way to foster my relationship with my son, who is slightly uncommunicative. Please understand that when I write some weird stuff! He just gave me advice on knives. 🙂 This may also just keep me from being restricted in my genres. I like seeing things from many different perspectives.  I have had to, in order to understand things my son has gone through.  I am trying to communicate to him that I accept him as he is, even when silent,  but he is part of my world, and I will share my world with him.  (Even though much of it is in my head, but I chalk that up to healthy imagination).  We all carry around stories.      #‎amwriting‬ #workingonsequeltomadeforme  ‪#‎sampsonseyesholdthesecret‬ ‪#‎grittyshortstoryonthewaytoo‬ #scifi

Blessed, this Mother’s Day

IMG_0146

 

**Mother’s Day has been great, and I feel so blessed because:

My mother surprised me with these unique blue orchids!  She just does such thoughtful things like that!  She knows me, and how I love these alien-looking beauties,  that seem to whisper, “I’m beautiful, but I will eat you alive if you come too close.”  I like that in a flower… 🙂

Although my mom worked today, we were able to take her to breakfast, and it was very enjoyable, before going our separate ways….

While at breakfast, my son agreed to a picture, and he gave a genuine smile for the camera!  This means a lot to me, as he just glared at the camera when we were out for his birthday.  He really doesn’t like someone making a fuss over him in public.  So, of course, there was no singing to him in the restaurant.  To each his own.

My son went to church with me, and he hasn’t done that in a little while…

He drove me to church, in his car, that he recently bought used, which means he is working, which has been a long time coming.

At home, I got some writing done, while my son went to get a haircut.  When he got back, it was pretty quiet around here, like usual.  You see, that’s how he is.  And I have learned to stop fighting against who he chooses or who he prefers to be.

During the quiet times, while I am writing on this keyboard, or laying back, reading my Kindle, my dog is curled up next to me, loyal, faithful, always ready if I put my shoes on for a walk.

You see,  I truly am so blessed!