Midweek Meditation?

Ugh, I struggle with meditation. I think I hold anxiety everywhere in my body. I tried to calm my busy mind last night. I turned on some relaxing music which helped my brain, but it is hard to shut my brain off. I had a purpose for meditation, to think about where I hold anxiety in my body, there’s so many places. So many injuries, each with a story of their own. Many mishaps and accidents due to my dorkiness, someone’s inattention, or someone’s bad driving; probably the biggest problem though, is how my brain reacts to these things. I think I need my meditation to focus on nothing.

Of course, that Celsius energy tea I had at lunchtime didn’t help me shut it all down when it was time to go to sleep last night. I tried to ask my aching legs what they’re trying to tell me, then something else chimed in like the back of my neck, and then I remembered my achy shoulder which constantly hurts because I seem to have shoulder impingement 100% of the time since I hurt it in 2020, despite shoulder rehab.

I don’t know if it’s good or bad at this point that I am slightly kinesthetic in my habits and that I can’t thrive being still for too long. I’ve had a lifetime with phases of aerobics, weight training, kick-boxing classes, Zumba, yoga. Now everything is modified, on my own, but I am still moving. There is a time for everything. I need to learn to honor the time to shut it off, to just let my brain take in some mellow music, and let my body rest.

Anyhow, I am not giving up on meditation, but I think meditation on something specific defeats the purpose for me. I need time to shut it all off and let myself just be. It was hard after a conversation with my ex as well last night. I need to stop taking on other people’s drama. I need to just be. That’s my new goal. We’ll see how this goes!

Advertisement

Midweek Musings, The Drive

I used to drive to work every morning with a list of things in my head that I must do when I get there, since nothing is ever completely done. The “list” would stress me out before I even got to work!

Now, I lose myself in a song. Somehow, I’ve grown into the ability to do that. Needless to say, my job as a teacher is stressful. Sometimes in my life, my family life has been stressful. Perhaps it has all worn on my nerves like a repetitive stress type of condition. I am making headway, I think. Why stress about work before I even get there? I enjoy my music, and keep my mind clear. Stress can wait!

Some would say I’m just letting the music hypnotize me, but we often give ourselves over to worry, anxiety. So now, I see I can give my mind to a good lyric, an inspiring melody–one that I’ve chosen. It doesn’t stop me from getting ready once I get to work, and my mind is more at ease when I’m preparing to let kids into class and make them feel welcome. Heck, I can make notes that will be there waiting when I get there. No need to stress myself to remember!

A Day in My Life, Day 18, Pre-Alarm Ideas

Jan. 19th. Welcome to Day 18 of #ADayinMyLife, in which the best ideas happen before breakfast, before my morning alarm even!

I kind of would have preferred getting back to sleep at 4 a.m., but that didn’t happen. I had a mixture of bright ideas and health worries (shoulder, inflammation levels, upcoming tests). I’m not sure why my brain was doing a jitterbug instead of a lotus on this night of all nights, but it is what it is.

On to the productive results of my insomnia! As I’ve mentioned, next week is Literacy Week in the U.S. , and I am an English teacher, so this is big for me! Several teachers did a recorded book talk with our Reading coach yesterday about a book from our youth. I did mine on a Judy Blume book, Deenie. Well, last night I remembered why it was once banned. No big deal, I am a quiet rebel. 🙂 Which led me to make this:

All true. But books are no more dangerous than walking out your front door.

My other idea had to do with newspapers.. I’ll share more Monday, since that’s newspaper day and the first day of Literacy Week!

Busy at work, hoping to spread the joy of reading!

My workday came to an end quickly. It’s a lot of fun planning for Literacy week and talking to my cohorts who share a joy for reading with me! Tonight, we’ll be having dinner with my dad again, but this time Chris can attend. It should be fun!

Weekend Coffee Share, Succeeding

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Today’s cup is a donut shop brew, and man, it tastes great with vanilla creamer and a cacao ashwaganda powder blend ( more on this later). It’s quite a warm day, but I wanted hot coffee, so why not? I am really overdue for this.

I’m proud to report that Summer Break has started, and I’ve already had two celebratory naps in three days! My sleep schedule is going very well. I also made my first trip to the beach for a one hour beach walk with my friend Judy yesterday. The sun was hot, but the breeze was lovely, and the conversation always just flows between the two of us. I feel very successful at enjoying summer break so far!

So far, I’ve had extended breakfast time each morning, enjoying my cereal and fruit with juice and either coffee, chai tea, or green tea. I’m trying to write in my affirmations journal at breakfast time instead of perusing social media or daily news. It should help my relaxation! Considering, news and social media lately has been all about deadly shootings and a celebrity studded abusive relationship. Seriously, who needs to ponder those things delay? Makes it hard to enjoy your life

I’ve started a trial of a cacao ashwaganda blend in coffee or a cup of tea. Ashwaganda is supposedly good for anxiety (and sleep as a result), hot flashes, and achy joints. I will say, I had it in my hot green tea a few days last week, and the day I had to move around and clean up my classroom, I felt I had the energy and strength that was needed. Of course, I was a little sore the next day, but I think I should probably expect that. So, I’m hopeful. I just need to pay attention to how I feel and recognize if it’s really helping. Has anyone out there tried ashwaganda? What were your thoughts?

My dog had a visit to the vet Thursday, and his report was good, though his nerves were awful. Thankfully, his bordatella vaccine was oral. I brought up his snarling at night, and the vet indicated it was a “grumpy old man” issue. Not a big deal. 🙂 I still need to get him to the dog park and let him work out some energy. 🙂

Season 4 of Stranger Things is my current streaming habit, which is entertaining, but the first two episodes weren’t totally connecting with past seasons for me. There are plot holes, but I still love the characters. If you haven’t watched seasons one through three, you’ll feel sort of lost. My boyfriend was asking lots of questions. On the horror scale, it is great, though. I’ll give it that, and I plan to watch the rest.

Overall, I’m feeling great about summer break. It only took me one day of feeling listless to transition to my summer self, and that may have been sheer exhaustion as well. I’m going to love the next two months of freedom! I hope you all have a great weekend and a happy summer! I can’t wait to have some travel experiences to share. 🙂

Weekend Coffee Share, Full Moon Effects

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share,  hosted by Natalie the Explorer.  It’s a nice, breezy day, and I’m enjoying some half-caff with vanilla cteamer. Pull up a chair!

I enjoyed my breakfast this morning, as well as  a stretch for my back followed by  a short gym visit with my son where I used the stationary bike. I was feeling tired this morning. I wonder how this week’s full moon may have affected that?

I drove home from dinner at the neighborhood Thai restaurant last night, looking at that beautiful moon.When talking to my friend later, he said, ” Do you  think the full moon affects your aches and pains?” It’s true, I was really feeling them yesterday. 

Each little “lotus” is plastic and has edges.

At any rate, my morning laziness included stretching out and laying on my lotus mat, which I also call my pin needle mat. It’s theoretically supposed to release the chemicals you’d produce during acupuncture, and to be honest, I do feel relaxed after it and sometimes even fall asleep on it. I ordered it online. If my issue is anxiety, it could also have therapeutic results.

Is anxiety my issue? I’ve mentioned here before about the Mind Body connection with pain. Yes, I somewhat believe in it. I work on improving physically and mentally. However, I haven’t paid enough attention to my dog, another source of fun and relaxation. He will get a trio to the park during Thanksgiving week. I mean, I’m off 3 extra days! This morning, I threw the ball for him as I ate breakfast.

Here he is, anxiously awaiting me to throw the ball!

He’s small enough, and the ball is soft enough that I can throw it inside. In addition, he’s so darn cute when he’s anxious and excited! This 10 year old dog acts like a puppy again. It puts a smile on my face. 🙂

So, I’ll be spending Thanksgiving holiday with local family, I’ll see my friend/companion Friday, and there will be dog-play time! Other plans will surface, I’m sure, but simple is the way for me these days!

I hope you all have a blessed, fun, and happy Thanksgiving!

Weekend Coffee Share, Honor Thyself

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. This week brought a short work week, something most of us in the education field have welcomed! It’s below 70 today, which is cooler than it was yesterday, so I am enjoying some hot coffee!

This past Thursday, besides being Veteran’s day, was also the 7 year anniversary of bringing home our dog, Bixby, from the Humane Society. With a sullen teen/young adult in the family who didn’t talk to us much at that time, my mother and I were thrilled to bring a furry toddler home that wagged its tail anytime we came home! My son has even built a bond with this enthusiastic canine. He has changed our lives.

I am constantly reminding myself to love my life and where I am right now, instead of jumping ahead to the future and looking for guarantees; It’s hard. However, life is better than it had been months ago. My family is in a good place, my son is doing well, and I have steady employment. I won’t focus on the stresses of my job at this moment. 🙂

Seen at the mall last night. Too soon, too soon.

Still, the season may be affecting my moods a little bit. I am fortunate that I could reunite with my old friend/boyfriend who listened through a lot of my hardships this summer, and we enjoy spending time together, but I think back to last year’s Thanksgiving holiday; I have memories and start thinking how different this year will be. I am mindful that I am not alone but sometimes wonder why. Would I be okay if I was alone? So I am seeking more activities to do in my spare time and hopefully to meet more like-minded people. You can’t just rely on one person.

However, I am quite close to my mother, and my son and I are getting along well, even though he isn’t predisposed to being loquacious. I’m still investing in his well-being though. I took him to the mall yesterday to pick up something his dad ordered for him, then we ate in the Food Court. I had honey bourbon chicken with rice and veggies. It was tasty, but maybe not so healthy. I was glad we did something together, as my weekday life keeps me so busy right now. I am really hoping and praying for a teacher raise soon as I want to focus after school time on healthy living next year instead of seeking to supplement my pay.

The approach of the holidays also has me looking back on this year. This year reminded me that anything can change on a dime. I suppose we just have to see the silver lining in those changes. I mean, my son did change for the better. His dad is now in the picture for him, and though those dynamics sometimes stress me out, I do not have to live with him anymore, and my son is doing well living in my home again but being able to spend time with his dad weekly.

Sometimes I write in a gratitude journal in the morning. Yes, I have to actively practice gratitude, mindfulness, listen to a pain podcast sometimes to keep the negativity at bay. Gratitude can retrain the brain., but I’ve also learned to stay away from people who increase my negative thoughts. Trying to honor myself. Holidays can stress me out, but I am going to plan some low-stress time with loved ones. Then, I can be grateful for the time I have with them.

There’s my holiday survival plan. Thank you for reading! What’s your plan?

Weekend Coffee Share, No Hurry

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share,  hosted by Natalie the Explorer. This morning consisted of  peach mango V8 juice that contains green tea. I’ve encouraged my son to make a call enquiring about medical insurance costs on his own, so that’s happening in the background.

Yikes! Time flies. He’ll be 26 in April, so it’s time he learns to make these inquiries. Later, I’ll go to the gym with him. His dad works more on weekends now, so I get to go as his guest. Jusy another part of staying active, but I get to bond with my son as well!

Time flies…

Allow me to spiral back now to last weekend. I took him to the gym, then we stopped at a Mediterranean deli/cafe for lunch. It just recently started opening on Saturdays again. I think their food is great, but there were no other customers when we went. That could be good for us, though.

The owner was in no rush, so we had to wait for him to flip some channels and find the football game he wanted. “I’ll be right with you,” he said. He was friendly enough, and he did get to us and our order. Neither of us minded. It’s kind of nice to take a break from the rat race, you know? Did I really have any need to ask him to speed up? Nope.

We sat at a table and waited. When our food was done, the owner thanked us and told us it was just him and the young lady in the kitchen,  told us how many years he’d been there, etc. We got home with our food, mine a Greek salad, and I noted the extra pitas they had put in there. Yes, there should never be a need to hurry on a Saturday! I’ll definitely go back again, and I’m glad to support a locally-owned business! In this anxiety-filled world, we should all be in less of a hurry sometimes.

Nor have I forced myself to hurry at all today. Sciatica disturbed my sleep a few nights last week, but last night I slept great and even slept in this morning. I’m finishing this up on an exercise bike at the gym. Sorry, it seems like I’m ‘phoning in” my Weekend Coffee Share! I waa moving so slowly at home, but I don’t mind multi-tasking now. I normally read while on the treadmill anyway; it helps me not to get bored from exercise!

If you’ve been around my blog a while, you’ll know I may complain at times, but I’ll never give up!

I’m going to stick with that attitude this weekend. Make it a great Saturday, and an even better week, my friends!

Releasing the Pain. #poetry (Revisited)

Photo by Vijay Sadasivuni on Pexels.com

Originally published (c) 2009 Pamela Schloesser Canepa

I write, I express

and I press so hard

The hurt in my shoulder

like little glass shards

****

I focus, I strive

My thoughts so intense

The weight on me

at times feels so dense.

*****

Pop! I let the pressure out, let it rise

like a balloon at its demise…

Powerless, away with the wind it goes

The fear and the pain that I once held so close.

*Revised version, 2021

Weekend Coffee Share, Another Year

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share,  hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Having been fortunate enough to sleep in this morning,  I am drinking hazelnut half-caff this morning! Pull up a chair and your favorite beverage. I decided on Kraugbin for our musical cafe ambience this morning.

I’ll regale you with my wisdom. Heh, scratch that. How about tales of my topsy-turvy life and how I’m managing? Though I’m not a fan of reality lately,  I sure won’t let it defeat me. I’ll let it throw its punches and I’ll fight back. All metaphorically, of course.  You can tell me about your life lately.

If you don’t know me, I’ll just tell you I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 1.5 years ago. I am no longer ashamed of this.  Being a writer, blogger, etc., I am in a place to share about myself in ways that may help others or that may simply connect me with other like-minded individuals.  Holding it in prevents many opportunities for me to be myself, encourage others, and to be honest about my life.  In fact, holding things in has shut me down in many ways throughout my life.  That is no longer my MO. I’ve been dealing with the anxiety, and I got through the pandemic as well as teaching middle schoolers; then suddenly, around my son’s twenty-fifth birthday,  two important people in my life have left my life.

It is my birthday today, and two days ago I felt I didn’t have the energy to even acknowledge it.  I am not ashamed to say that.  I am a human being with emotions.  However, I’m determined to always survive the storm.

So, I decided to just indulge in some of my favorite things this weekend.

Mom and I started by going out for Thai food and a glass of wine. A church friend, also a Gemini, invited me to her house for steamed crab and salad for lunch today.  I invited my mom, and neighbor, and a co-worker, another empty-nester mom for dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant.  Tomorrow, I shall take my dog to the dog park, something that always fills me with joy whether there are people there or not.  If there are other people there, they are dog-people, the best kind ever!

I feel good about my health, fitness, and my habits. I feel good in the skin I’m in!  Though I still struggle with pain at times, I don’t let it stop me.  In fact, the summer I was told I had arthritis, 8 years ago, was a summer I spent on the couch reading a 1,000 page book.  Of course, I still do read, but I mix it up with movement or using the phone Kindle while on my porch exerciser.

So, my life is just slightly topsy-turvy, but I still know what are my favorite things and have the means to fill my life with them, as well as being surrounded by positive people that encourage me constantly!

I’m getting ready soon to have that lunch with a fellow Gemini, and Mediterranean food later. It promises to be fun and life-affirming!

Have a great weekend, all!

Weekend Coffee Share, Grounding. #poetry

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. On this busy week, I struggled with sleep then made up for it all last night. 🙂 It’s a green matcha tea morning, and I’d like to share a poem I wrote and intended to publish earlier this week. This way, I can get to the park with my dog sooner! I’ll drop by some of your Coffee shares later.

Another day to wake up, clean up, show up.

Realizing philosophizing is making me want to throw up.

So, today I’ll stop looking at the skies and wondering why

I’ll turn my gaze down to the creatures on the ground

The ones that surround and keep me company,

I will rise and shine like the birds chirping this morning,

the sunshine peeking over the trees providing light and warming

The dog that is sniffing at the door to be let out

Then asks to come back in with a bark that shouts,

“Thank you for the outing, but I want to be with you!

I’ll need an outing later, but there are other things to do.”

I reach out and let him ground me

Let his love and kid-like joy surround me.

.

It is what it is, beyond our control,

But you can still love life, deep in your soul

Can I forget for a moment, what baffles me

and live each moment joyfully?