attitude – pamelascanepa

A Day in My Life, Day 13. #RRBC #weekendcoffeeshare

Jan. 14th–Welcome to my #WeekendCoffeeShare and Day 13 of the daily blogging challenge. I’m having a chai latte to welcome the cool morning.

The weather really cooled yesterday after a rainy night, so we had a warm, relaxing fire going last night. I think my dog Bixby even enjoys sitting by the fire.

Today is a day to take a breath and catch up. Of course, I’ll get my 30 minute cardio. I’ve already walked the dog. Some laundry needs to be done, ( that’s part of the catching up).

I had an interesting dream last night that took me back to my childhood home here in Jacksonville. We lived there 5 years, age 8 to 13. It was the longest time I’d lived anywhere in my youth. The start of my dream was chaotic, I was touring the house, and it was full of ants, the bathroom mirror was covered, I had a memory of being betrayed by a friend and letdown by someone else. But I think the mirror means “leave it in the past.”

As I continued the walk-through, I saw adult friends of recent years, told them I was selling the house, and to come view it with me. It really was a nice house in real life (we moved to an apartment when my parents divorced). I kept finding new, cozy, beautiful rooms (that weren’t there in my youth) and heard my adult friends squealing in delight behind me.

The best I can make of this dream, which totally changed tone halfway through, is: I no longer live in fear, chaos, and self-loathing. Thinking I’m never good enough…that’s no longer me. I NOW LIVE A LIFE OF LOVE, BEAUTY, AND COMMUNITY. I see new beauty everywhere. A Day may start rough for me, but it can change, I can feel gratitude, and I can enjoy my life.

So now, I must get ready for my gym cardio, and later get ready to see my boyfriend, a constant source of laughter, and tomorrow, I’ll see my dad who is visiting from up North. I’ll have some time today to work on a lesson that intrigues me, and yes, catch up on laundry. Life is good!

Have a great weekend, everyone. Thanks for visiting my corner of the blogosphere!

Poem to My Pain

Yes, I know you’re there.

I’ve read different theories on

Why you’re still there,

And none of them agree.

Maybe you’re telling me

I work too hard,

Trying to keep me from

Pushing it too far….

Do you want me to stay away

From volatile situations,

Warn me to stay away from

Unsavory places?

You seem to want to slow me down,

And some say I should thank you.

I’d like to say it’s over,

But that doesn’t seem to be happening.

So, today I’ll just remind you…

You are not going to stop me.

By Pamela Schloesser Canepa

Life’s Ceaseless Circus

My life is a three-ring circus, but someone forgot the popcorn.

I am a performer that sometimes falls at breakneck speed,

Never allowed to simply sit in the stands.

Sometimes I fret over how I have performed…

I sometimes am greeted by smiles, and other times, worry lines.

After a fall, I dust myself off and practice my turns, I can not give up.

Maybe it never slows down, and I’ll need to stay well-rehearsed

Maybe I should call the shots and require performer’s rights

Being a one-woman show who enlists others to join

We’ll dance with elephants and laugh with the monkeys while singing jolly songs

I don’t control this circus, but I can set the tone.

The smile on my face is my choice, the reaction I choose is my dance on the wire.

Weekend Coffee Share. Get it together, girl! #balance

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at Eclectic Ali . I’ll admit, sometimes I can feel myself getting too perfectionistic and being too hard on myself, feeling like nothing I do is enough. At times, I feel like I have to have a little talk with myself, trying to calm myself down. It has been a stressful week. Suffice it to say, teaching is not an easy job. That may not be the only issue. Maybe it was just difficult to transition from Winter break self-care to reanimating my driven self in order to be a quality teacher, yet feeling I have little time now to do anything about my writing goals. Still, I’m always reminded that balance is so important.

I almost took a picture of the scowl on my face on day this week, because I partly was just mad at myself for letting my perfectionism force me to work late and miss my yoga class. I was also mad at my job for requiring so much of me. With my writing, I can go at my own pace, but let me be honest, it is not what pays the bills right now. I suppose I needed an attitude adjustment, and I am not completely sure what got me off balance. I need to be mindful of this in the future.

Since I missed yoga on my favorite Zen yoga night, I had to lay out the mat at home, so therefore, yoga had to include some dog play. That is perfectly alright! He always makes me smile! We took him to his fourth week of dog training today, which is always fun, and we see lots of other dogs in the Petsmart store where he trains. He loves that part, too!

What goes in our brains is also very important, and it can’t always be work, work, work. I’m listening to this classic on Audible, while I’m also reading a YA Fantasy book on Kindle. I always have reading goals and plans, and sometimes I participate in review groups ( no time for those right now). I feel badly if I don’t have time to read, and I suspect my brain got lazy over WInter break with lots of Netflix time. I did read, just not at a fast pace. Anyway, listening to Dorian Gray is nice while taking a bath. The language is very descriptive and flowery, somewhat advanced if not archaic, and the narrator’s voice is relaxing. Reading this in book form would take me a while. I must add, it got really intriguing in Chapter fifteen and sixteen today! Hey, it got my mind off of work, even though I did do an hour’s worth of work this morning. I didn’t finish, but an hour was all they were getting this morning. This is MY weekend!

Having said all that, I felt like my job was taking oved my life this week, but here I am, writing on my blog! It makes me feel more like myself; it makes me feel unstoppable, and by the way, that was my word for this year: unstoppable. Even though I’ve added a lot of goals to take me to another level at my job, I am going to be unstoppable and keep on writing, enjoying my life, and meeting those goals. I may adjust the pace, but I shall never stop! Have a great week, my friends. I am planning on more balance and self-care this coming week. 🙂