Dreamin’ #poetry #dreams

vw-camper-336606_1920 (1)

Image courtesy of Pixabay.

Dreamin’ (c) 2017 by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

 

I dream of a California

that is untouched by flame,

of wide open spaces to which

no one lays claim.

I dream of a body

that’s not slowed down with pain

Of waterlogged islands

that can be home again.

I wish for outdoor concerts

not ruined by gunshots

And long for a leader

whose conscience can’t be bought.

I dream of a nation

embracing its weakest.

Acceptance and love,

to those of the outer reaches.

 

I dream with wanderlust

for I just want to escape

The feel, and the touch

of this year’s landscape.

I dream of a future

that is better than today,

that is spiritually evolved

from the world of yesterday.

I dream, but is that all?

For it has to start somewhere.

I dream, I share my dream,

and I wonder, just who cares?

 

*The poet, Pamela, was born in California.  Her own experience with the year 2017 has been a little rough.  Watching the news doesn’t help.  You may make conclusions about her political leanings.  That is your right.  We are all entitled to our opinion, but I think we’d all agree, the world, our nation, our people, have suffered a rough year.  Still, we can always hope for a better tomorrow and dream of a better world. 

 

 

 

 

Inspiration, When it Comes Knocking… #amwriting

Featured on http://www.kathycecala.com/

narrative-794978_1280Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

If you’re one of those who sometimes wonders why you ever published, or you feel you are in an endless loop of writing, then trying to get your writing noticed, then writing more, rest assured, you’re not alone.  I feel that at times.  But two years ago, the writing bug hit me, maybe because of hard times at home and the desire to escape;  I decided I was going to write, finish what I started, and stop being afraid to show people what I wrote.  After all, I am a grown up.  I’m also not getting any younger. To this day, I don’t regret that decision. 🙂 I took to hanging out in writers’ forums on Facebook, took a James Patterson online class, and entered some contests on Wattpad.  Now, my college degree was English Literature and I wrote about many authors, but   something had to get me up to bat as a writer of my own material. This post is in honor of the many things that make me write and keep me writing.

My favorite writers.  A favored quote by Stephen King: “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.”  He is one daring author.   Nor does he feel like he has to put on some fake persona for the fact that he is an author.  I like that.  He keeps on writing.   If he can, so can I, and he seems to think the same thing.

Joyce Carol Oates:  She angered me so in her book “Wonderland,” but it spurred me to write a whole book full of poetry that brought out many issues from my past.  It is not published.  Her main character was utterly detestable, and perhaps a little of a sociopath, but his treatment of women disturbed me so much that I could no longer empathize with his horrible past once I got past 3/4 of the book.  I’ll look back on my poetry and see when I’m ready to share it.  I am not knocking Oates for “wonderland,”, this simply shows how good she was at hitting a raw nerve.  Her book, “Freaky Green Eyes,” totally championed women’s rights by showing just how wrong a patriarchal relationship could go.  “Wonderland” disturbed me.  What does that mean?  I’ll never forget it.

James Patterson:  Some people have argued that he’s not really that good at the art of writing.  I THINK THEY READ THE WRONG BOOKS.  He’s no Shakespeare, but if he’s no good, then, why can’t I put his books down?  He’s a master of suspense who can write in the perspective of male, female, protagonist, or villain and is convincing in each one.

Writers inspire new writers to write.   By just writing and daring to get it “out there” you could provide inspiration to a new writer!  One of the few times I allowed myself to be moved to tears as a teacher was in response to a student’s poem about her dear, departed father.  I told her my tears were a real compliment, and she smiled.  If you are a writer, you should inspire others to write.  Writing is forever evolving, this is why we always need new literature and, or course, new writers.

Dreams.  Of Reptiles and Dragons…

fairy-tale-1653150_1280 Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

The most recent dream I’ve had is supposedly foreboding, according to dream interpretation books.  I say they’re just narrow-minded.  Hard times are coming?  I’ve already had them.  Reptilian eggs hatching to tadpoles, growing into snakes that morph into raptors or dragons?  No problem.  Here is an idea of what I’ll make of that, and yes, it reflects my reality of having a family member who suffered a mental breakdown in the last two years.

 

Little girl:  Hey, you’re that boy who sees dragons all the time, aren’t you?

Boy nods his head and looks at her warily.

Girl:  Well, some people see angels.  Grandma says you can’t see them, but Momma says my baby brother sees angels, that’s why he smiles all the time.  Did you see angels when you were a baby?

Boy: Nope.  Mom says I’ve been seeing dragons since I was a little one. ( Looks back down at his toy truck.)

Girl:  Do you see one right now?

Boy:  Yep.  He’s right next to you.

Girl:  Do they help you?  Do they keep you company?

Boy:  Yeah.

Girl:  Well, maybe you just have angels that look like dragons, then.

Boy:  (Smiles.)

Girl:  Can I play with your truck, too?  Tell your dragon I’m a good person, okay?

Boy:  (Shrugs).  Yeah, okay.

© copyright 2016

Now, if only every oddball was accepted so easily, and differences could be normalized.  I’m not sure where the dragon theme is leading, but it seems to be here to stay until I figure that out.

Reality.  Events happen.  Sometimes life sucks.  See my last section on my inspiration for writing about dragons.  My writing motto over the last 1-2 years has been, “I Fiction because Reality Sucks.” (Bites, etc.).  But doesn’t a troubled or confusing reality fuel one’s fiction?  Yes, I say it does. It certainly has fueled my poetry which is a source for expressing my emotions.  Anxiety over what may happen to a loved one has wrecked me time and again.  I wrote about it in this poem, written after a sleepless night:

https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2016/02/03/anxiety-the-phantom-poetry/

Yes, things are better now in my family, and should stay that way, as long as terrible drivers don’t come near me ever again.  It may seem irrelevant, but that has been my main source of anxiety lately.  Deep breaths.

I’ve also used my past experience in a troubled marriage, dissolved eighteen years ago, to develop the perfect man in my novel, Made for Me.  (Well, almost perfect) 🙂  My second, Seeing Through Sampson’s Eyes, focused on a side character from the first, who turned out to be a kick-ass chick at just twenty years old.  If interested, you can find out more about my self-published novellas by clicking on the About section of my WordPress site.

Faith and Beliefs.

I am fortunate enough to be in a church where I feel I am good enough.  I feel totally accepted, and there are many opportunities to serve the Lord whether in brief skits, Advent devotions, or the traditional ushering, liturgist, elder duties.  I have posted my entry for the Advent devotional here on my blog as well.  https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2016/12/10/christmas-memories-no-im-no-angel-but-sometimes-my-prayers-are-answered-advent-faith-christmas-memories/

I also devoted several posts to the application of Bible verses to my life during Lent this past year.  If that is your thing, please take a look!

https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2016/02/18/a-new-morning/

Faith has been an important part of my life, so it is right that I should write about it.

Morning and Evening Walks with the Dog.

This is one time when I cannot multi-task.  I have to see where I’m going!  I can observe thins around me, such as the arc of the sun ascending or a full moon at night.  I love watching my dog’s antics when he sees a squirrel.  I got many ideas for a time travel novel as I walked him around and glanced at the night sky.  For the last two years, he has been such a blessing in many ways.  I should mention yoga.  It clears my mind and then marvelous thoughts enter.  In other words, my mind doesn’t stay clear.  And that’s okay.  I’m different.  Yes, I’ve written on this topic also in posts titled “My Exercise Evolution, Yoga Stream of Consciousness.”

wp-1480187201702.jpg“Halt!  Who Goes There?”

Popular Culture.  Songs, books, movies.  Let’s talk movies, shall we?
Among the most inspiring:  The Martian.  (I read it and saw the movie).  Interstellar.  Another Earth (you likely haven’t seen that one, but you should.  Go rent it).  Fight Club.  Being Flynn.  Some of the more obscure movies are simply obscure because they don’t appeal to the mainstream.  That is why you should see them!  It is also why they make my brain want to explode with ideas.  Songs?  There are many, but I’ll only mention one.  “Wow,” by Beck.  He is groundbreaking in many of his songs, but this one takes me to so many places, probably because it sounds like a blend of so many different music genres.  I recommend it if you are open-minded in music choices.

In a nutshell, I keep writing because there is so much out there; there are so many ideas just waiting to be caught!  Do you see them in the air?  Do you hear them in between your friends’ conversations?  There are so many ways to go with writing and sometimes, I want to do it all!  Maybe, I’ll find one area that is really my niche, or maybe not, because I am such a moody little filly that I must write to stay sane and because anything I write expresses my mood at that time. Perhaps one day, I’ll figure it out!

 

#weekendcoffeeshare. November’s Over, and Now….

coffee-66507_640

Welcome to the weekend coffee share, hosted by parttimemonsterblog.com.  I so enjoy being a part of this blogging community!  If we were having coffee, you’d get to know a bit of who I am.  I’d tell you-

Now that November’s over, I am giving myself a writing break until the Christmas holiday.  November was such a writing crunch!  There was not enough time for reading.  So, the start of December is giving me time to continue reading a novel, The Step, about a woman who was part of the Apollo space program, and to watch my favorite new Netflix show called “Glitch.”  It’s mysterious and weird, and involves a lot of the history of a town come back to haunt them (almost literally); that’s why I love it.  There are sure to be many plot holes, but it does get me to thinking.  Considering, I am an avid fan of The X-Files and The Twilight Zone.  🙂

With an inspired thought process, I’ve had some wild dreams lately.  Maybe these are story ideas in a disguised form, and I should take heed.  I’m still mulling it over.  But I know it arose from a picture a student drew yesterday of birds with dead fish laying at their feet.  She left it under the desk.  Another child found it later and said it was very dark, but I said, “Well, birds eat fish.  I guess you could say that’s just life and survival.  I suppose survival could be considered dark.”  I honestly wasn’t grossed out by it.  Maybe my answer wasn’t the best; I didn’t bring up survival of the fittest because I really prefer to promote peace in the classroom!  I also don’t mind kids being creative in their down time.  Nonetheless, I believe this innocent drawing inspired my survival dream of the Jurassic Park variety.  Survival of the fittest, indeed!

Anyway, I’ll take inspiration anywhere I can get it.  I finished out November with 45,000 words written of a new novel, but I still need to finish it.  Yes, it’s just below the goal, but I still feel I have come away a champion.  This is more than I’ve written in one month, ever!  For more reflections on my NANOWRIMO process and experience, click here: https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2016/12/02/a-november-to-remember-on-losing-graciously-yet-victoriously-in-nanowrimo-amwriting/

Work has been full of testing.  There are mid-year tests in a few of the subjects, and I am a teacher who would prefer to teach and read with my students, but we have made it through the first week and it wasn’t all that difficult.

That’s my week in a nutshell.  I tried not to overwhelm you with talk about my writing, as I know I’ve talked about it so much all month!  Yet, it is still a big part of this post.  I am remembering myself two years ago, wondering when I’d actually live out my dream of being a writer, if I’d have to wait until retirement, cursing myself anytime I’d forget to write down a story idea.  Then again, my son was so much more of my responsibility back then, and he’s much more grown up now, though I still need to help him find another car…

How was your week?  What has inspired you?  I appreciate you stopping by and letting me share about my week!  I encourage you to visit our host of the Weekend Coffee share at parttimemonsterblog.com!

 

Summer Time Promises

cropped-beachbeckonsme0823151033-00.jpg

I woke up before 7 this morning.  The trouble is, I was up until 12:00 last night and I was tired.  The bright sunlight was hitting my sensitive eyes, and even though I still saw faces of my dream people from last night, my brain was telling me, “You can’t sleep much longer.”  It’s just as well.  Those dream faces were spooky.  So maybe I don’t need to get thicker drapes after all!  I certainly need to re-adjust my sleep habits.  Lack of sleep can make a person anxious.  I’d much rather wake up calm, feeling well-rested.  As an educator, I get the summer off (Or, I work a fun job for the summer, but not this year).  This leads into my first promise to myself.  I am creating a list of promises that I must keep this summer, since they are all related to my mental and physical health.  Putting them in writing is the first step to making them a reality.  So, here they are:

  1.  Start going to bed earlier.  My son will be getting up early for work anyway, so I might as well.  Plus, if I get up earlier, I can get in on the beauty of morning sunlight!
  2. Witness at least one sunrise this summer.  It could be on a walk with my dog, or an early trip to the beach, very early, that is.
  3. Since I am bothered by the morning light in my eyes, having a bedroom that gets light from the east in the a.m., I won’t write (or edit) as much at that time; I think I’ll get myself on a schedule, and these morning hours would be great for, an outdoor walk with the dog!  Reading on the treadmill at the gym! Reading on the couch! Maybe I’ll watch my X-files reruns or Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix in the other room.  That’s just a few.
  4. Cleaning and organizing around the house.  Because of writing my latest ebook and setting a goal that my pride wouldn’t let me forget, I kind of let a few things go.  It’s time to sweep up again, to say the least!
  5. Yoga, twice a week, or more
  6. Work on the 200 page manuscript I hope to publish in a year
  7. Blog more regularly.  I’d like to contribute to Jacqueline’s Thursday “Around the Neighborhood” photo posts! (She is the blogger behind acookingpotandtwistedtales.com)
  8. Send a short story to a paying publication
  9. Get a little sun, without getting sunburned
  10. Fun!  Hear an awesome live band
  11. That spa day I have been putting off
  12.  Spend social time with some friends I haven’t spent time with in a while
  13. Dance.  Even if just once!

14. Number 14 is pretty ambitious and I may have to let it go if it doesn’t work out.  My 20 year old son does not converse with me much anymore.  I would like to get him to read one of my stories, and/or, get him to perhaps write a story of his own.  He has a way with words, and the imagination, but it has been seriously blocked for a few years.  The other option is to have him help contribute to my manuscript, because I am writing an explosion scene and really want to get it right!  He has read all sorts of military dramas and told me he’d be able to explain it.

15. Let’s not forget:  reading!  I am part of a book club.  I love to read.  Summer is the best time to do this!

16. This follows on the tail of #15, because reading is just about the only thing I do without trying to multi-task.  I want to spend more time giving all of my attention to doing one thing, and doing it well.  Be it writing, promoting my writing, cooking dinner, and talking on the phone (I have to get better about that)!  I will be so much more relaxed if I can follow through on this goal, even if just for the summer.

17.  Get a passport to replace the one that expired years ago.  This is important to my mental health, because it is part of a dream.  I want to travel abroad.  Maybe this one little step will motivate me to work and save for it.  It most certainly is a practice in optimism!

Is that all?  Well, I am sure something else will be added, but I have to make sure I meet all of these first!

The stamped, addressed envelope

 

IMG_0163

5-26-16:  I just put it in the mail today, and I had struggled over the decision to fax it or not.  The deciding factor was that I would not have to explain to anyone what I was sending, would not risk them seeing what I was sending, had I gone to a Kinko’s or faxed it from my work office.  It would bring up my awkward, conflicted thoughts.  Now it may take longer, but it’s so much easier to lick the envelope, seal it and stamp it, and then send it  without a word to anyone.  I won’t have to hide these feelings when I stand in awkward silence, or feel I have to try to explain to someone that I am letting go of a dream.

I just sent the notice to cancel my son’s college fund, and to get a refund on the remaining amount.  At first, it was a glorious feeling, knowing I’d have that money coming in to pay for a summer vacation, and to fund my summer of doing nothing but writing, promoting my writing, and doing other enjoyable things.  It was a relief.  But the reality of sealing and stamping the envelope just brought up these conflicted feelings.  You see, it made me look back.  Back at how he loved going to the college campus but would not keep up with his studies, and the frightening alcohol overdose that landed him into the E.R and into a downward spiraling depression during that first term of college.   This was on top of some of the problems he was already having.  Of course, he withdrew, and didn’t do much, until, a year later, he tried college again.  He struggled in his classes and could not keep up again, told me I was not helping him enough, then told me to leave him alone when I tried to help.  I’d already decided I would not pay for a tutor.  I had done that through his high school years.  The college fund that paid for his tuition was opened by me when he was an infant and I made payments for 18 years.  It was hard to look at him losing a grasp on that dream I had for him.  It was sad as well, because he really enjoyed the open campus and just being there.  After dropping out, he once again, was not doing much, and appeared to feel lousy about himself for a while.

Enter the job opportunity.  A friend of the family helped him get a full-time job.  It earns entry level pay, but there are opportunities for advancement and technical training.  He is doing some really hard dirty work and is enjoying it.  He never complains! I’m amazed.  Recently, I decided to accept that he wasn’t going to college, and to cash in the college fund, depositing it into a retirement account.  Well, it makes sense to set some aside for this unemployed summer that I am about to enter.  I really do need a rest, but not only that, I really do want to continue writing and drumming up interest for my work, because that encourages me to write more.  You may have figured out that writing is my passion.

It took me a couple of days to mail this thing, but, I guess, I am using it to pursue my dreams.  Some of it will go into my retirement account.  I’m trying to feel better about this again.  It is not only going to help me pursue my dreams,  it also represents my letting go, as hard as this is, a dream I constructed for someone else, someone who needs the freedom to construct his own dreams.

There are so many different ways to let go.  Ways we have to let go.  The final step in this scenario was for me to let that stuffed envelope go that I’ve been holding onto for days.  There is really no way we can foresee the future for our children, or the roads they will take.  But we can have faith, that it will be a blessed path, where every misstep leads to wisdom, laughter, or important lessons learned.

AustenBabyAndMe.96.16841_1312867349399_3054698_n  1996.  Loved then, still loved now. ❤

Working on a sequel to Made for Me! Ink…

 

 

IMG_0122

So I decided, this time, I would do some pen and paper writing.  I’m working on a sequel to Made for Me!  Some are asking about a sequel already; others are saying, “Give your first book a chance to sell!”  I’m not sure which is the way for me; I’ll have to read more of the free e-book and the online article about self promotion for self-published authors, since I am also still self-promoting Made for Me.  Good thing I like to read, too!  By the way, if anyone has some really good tips on this self-marketing or “when to publish a sequel,” I will be most appreciative if you share!

This past week I have felt like I’ve been neglecting my blogging.  I have gotten involved in day to day life, my volunteer committee, my boyfriend’s art show tomorrow, and my day job!  But guess what, I have so many book ideas in my head right now.  I seriously could handle quitting the day job and JUST writing!  (I say that now, but my hand would get pretty tired).  Anyhow, I hope I am doing a good job at building up an author platform and setting myself up for later visibility and recognition as a writer.  It’s really a snowball…It just needs a little help to get momentum at the start, but then, it snowballs into an even bigger snowball!  Do I dare dream about becoming an avalanche like Stephen King?  It could happen, if I’m daring enough!  I wrote about a bucket list item 1-2 months ago.  I think I will always have a bucket list, because maybe my bucket keeps growing larger and larger!  That, my friends, is probably one of several things keeping me going right now.

What’s with this paper and ink?  Something about it just helped me get started sooner, but I can’t wait to get it neatly typed into the computer.  The nice part, however, of the paper and ink, is that pens are not as high maintenance as pencils, and that paper notebook is much easier to lug around from dining room table, sofa, car, to wherever because I-simply-must-have-it-in-case-I-think-of-something!  I spent far too many years doing the opposite.  I’d get a great idea, and think, yeah, I’ll remember that for when I have time to write.  Well, now I have time to write because I make the time!  I’m not gonna be the negative Nancy I was.  I will dream big.  My bucket will get bigger and bigger, because I plan to catch a lot of fish (The flying dreamy goal variety)!

Life is good, my friends.  I am dreaming, and writing.  This is truly living the dream!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Dreams” In honor of NAPOWRIMO

“Dreams” 

Free Verse by Pamela Schloesser Canepa

copyright 2005

At twilight

Dreams sit at the edge of our consciousness

Delighting, or disturbing us

 Watching like a mindreader,

      coaxing us

     To

     Stay

    Where  they are….

And to fall back into them when our slight awareness stirs.

 Then, they dart away like a cat-eyed burglar in black who can never be caught…at the crack of dawn with the alarm’s annoying alert to the living.

     When most of us wake up and leave them behind…

    (But some of them can be caught)……

co. 2005, Pamela Schloesser CanepaMontreatMoon561213_3667271769404_213235067_n