Lies Women (and Girls) are Told

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Why do you feel this way? You feel this way because you chose to.

You’re just giving me a guilt trip.  It’s wrong to try and give someone a guilt trip.

You’re overreacting.

You’re such a calm girl because you’re quiet. (Ha.)

You just need to relax.  (As in, It’s not me making you uncomfortable, you just need to relax).

You should say you’re sorry (for being in the way, for feeling like you do, for expressing your emotions)

If you dress that way, you’re just inviting trouble.

When you get married, he’ll settle down and shape up.

Your marriage will be stronger if you have a child.

He’ll be so thankful and treat you better if you have his child.

You need to have another child to keep the first one company.

A second child will really make your husband grow up.

You can’t be friends with him, it means you have a wandering eye.

You can’t be friends with her, she’s a bad influence.

You aren’t woman enough to wear that.  Countered with, all that red lipstick makes you look like you’re trash.

He didn’t mean it, and you should get past it.

Men are just like that.

*****The list is extensive and goes beyond this, but I believe this is a start.  Dads, husbands, boyfriends, friends, think about what you are saying to her.***

Next time, try, for a start: “You have a right to your feelings.  You are allowed to express your feelings.  You can be, and do, whatever you choose.  Your can be trusted to make the right choices.”  Let’s rewrite the narrative.

(c) 2020, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

 

 

 

 

 

Weekend Coffee Share, It’s a Wonderful Life, 5/30

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at Eclectic Ali.

It’s going to be a warm, beautiful day here in Northeast Florida!  I’m having hot coffee anyway.  Grab a cup of whatever you like, and let’s chat.  Last Saturday was not a Coffee Share day for me, as my internet was being a butthead, in and out, and slow as molasses. Instead of a Coffee Share, I posted an entry on writing about 9-11 and COVID-19 in my most recent published book, Malachi, Ruse Master and my current work in progress. You can read it here:  Writing Our History into Our Fiction

Learn more about my recently published book here:  bit.ly/RuseMaster

Farewell to another school year

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Things got really weird after Spring Break, I have not actually seen my students except in online meetings.  We’ve bonded, though. I tried to get created and learned about some new sites that are interactive for learning material. I tried to stay positive and was so glad to see or speak to them when they showed up for online lessons.  Some students never did because they were on a different sleep schedule. For the ones who did, I said “Thank you for showing up.  It gives me purpose!” Which is true.  I told them about my birthday the day before, which also fell on the last day of school.  Two things to celebrate! I made a video of myself waving good bye to my students and holding signs. I will miss them. I have learned a lot from this online experience that also gave me time at home to CHILL out and relax when needed, something I am working on and hope to master by the fall.  🙂 Anyway, at my school we would always walk to the buses at the end of the day on the last day and wave goodbye.  Here is my short video imagining they are boarding the bus and I am bidding them farewell:    https://youtu.be/9wleXNNYI1s   (I shared it with them in our online learning Team).

Happy birthday to me...

Ah, life.  So I have completed another year of middle age, or, maybe I’m past that? I don’t know, I don’t care.  I may have some complaints and recurring pains, but I’ve learned that a silly sense of humor is a great way to deal with the unpleasant parts of aging. I thank all of the women in my family for infecting me with that attitude.

My son took me to Outback last night for dinner! We went early.  They have certain tables blocked off to help social distancing, and the wait staff all wore masks and gloves.  It was reassuring.  My boyfriend came over for a celebratory drink, and he and I will have dinner tonight, place TBD.  A really rewarding part of my birthday was yesterday, getting a lot of well wishes from my students.

 

Our Nation and Our World

My heart goes out today to those who feel marginalized, profiled, or judged before they are known.  It gladdens me that one of the officers was arrested in the death of George Floyd.  But to think that it took the viral sharing of the video, or the many protests, is just sad.  We are all Americans. When someone says, Black Lives Matter, it is because of the frequency of these events, and the need to reiterate that thought. I don’t think cops are bad people; nor do I think the police system is racist, yet, many of them feel they are allowed to pre-judge and mistreat others. Why is that? I also don’t think anyone of any color or nationality deserves to be treated as if they have no rights or even ‘less’ rights. I could go on and on.  Let me just quote someone more eloquent: “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr).

How does this affect me?  Let me admit that I have grown up with white privilege, and I saw racism in many places. Being a kid in the 70’s and 80’s, I was around friends who would say horrible things about those of color without a second thought.  I didn’t speak up as often as I should, and for that, I apologize.  I often have not known what I could do about this; I am shocked that the mistreatment is still going on today.  I guess I am just going to start by admitting, I realize my white privilege. I see those who are marginalized, I realize it is still happening.  One more time, America:  “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

#Weekend Coffee Share. A Poem for Every Emotion.

Cappuccino, Coffee, Cafe, Empty  An empty cup means we have filled our hearts with fellowship and companionship, no matter how briefly.

Welcome to the Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at eclecticali.wordpress.com.  I am full of emotions today.  Full of love for my job where I can share my love for reading and writing with some cute, young, sometimes challenging, and at times, fun students.  Full of disappointment over my hurting arm and hand and the brief stop my writing has done for the time being, therefore this is a short post.  I’m also full of confusion and despair over the turn our country is taking for women.  Yet, I am full of hope that we have some control over the way things will turn.  The wheel keeps on turning.  I am simply going to draw a little picture here:

Freedom, (c) 2018

We are not considered the ones in charge

Yet, we are full of power

We are the thorny plant and not the flower.

We are the wild brush of the jungle.

No longer tame,

no need to be restrained.

When I hold my tongue to spare your feelings,

Or sit, thinking I can’t reach the ceiling

I have believed all that they said

Politics have ruled my heart and head.

When I am too diplomatic, my thoughts sour

Stuck in this headspace, a day or an hour,

so here, I’m going to spill it on the table

Let it form it’s lovely colors, if it’s able.

If you’ve listened, and really heard

You are my friend by deed, and not just word.

 

Thank you for hearing me out.  I think I needed this.  I hope you all have a lovely week.  Visit Alli’s blog to share your own post or to visit others! https://eclecticali.wordpress.com/category/series-of-sorts/if-we-were-having-coffee/

 

Seeing Through Sampson’s Eyes, special price, 1.99

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Now 1.99 for Kindle download.  Seeing Through Sampson’s Eyes, the second e-book in the Made for Me series, is now just 1.99 for a Kindle download.  It’s all strategy, and maybe we could call it a test, but at 107 pages, this book is a novella.  Reader so far seem to really like it, but wish it had been longer.  I suppose that’s a good sign, right?  So I decided to lower the price for a while and see how it goes.  I think it’s an amazing deal.  It is separated from Made for Me because the tone is entirely different.  A reader in the U.K. says it reminds her of Bladerunner, a movie I have always loved, but certainly with less violence.  One reader said it really got her thinking and even reminded her of some of the stories that show up on our primetime news reports lately.  I can see that parallel as well, and I’m sure that affected my ideas in writing this story.  Topics involved: #sci-fi, #coming-of-age, #ethics in future technology and #equality.  Find it here:  https://goo.gl/PR0O9s
The plan is that I will have this book priced at $1.99 through Labor Day weekend, at which point I will reassess my plan.  I am soon planning to publish this book on Smashwords as well, making it available for Nook, Barnes and Noble, and various other retailers as well as Kindle.  Wish me luck!  It’s a lot of work, but I am willing to do it.  In the meantime, I recommend you give this book a read.  It is a nice continuation from Made for Me, but can also be read on its own, and provides a good deal of suspense as well.  Again, you can download it on Amazon through this link: https://goo.gl/PR0O9s

Happy Reading!
-Pamela Schloesser Canepa