Weekend Coffee Share, Old/New

Coffee with in house-entertainment! Bixby with his new toy.

Antique – Image by KL Caley

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. On a mild weather day that feels like early Spring, watching my dog ham it up with his play toy, I sip a Starbucks blonde roast and in true T.S. Eliot fashion, I ask, “How shall I spit out the butt-ends of my days and ways?”

Truly, it is one of my favorite quotes from Eliot’s poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, so please indulge me. Sometimes I’m not sure what to write for the Coffee Share, (I get tired of saying what I did each day or all week) so I looked for inspiration today, and remembered the Eliot quote from a poem he wrote 50+ years ago. The photo is from the #writephoto challenge that has been around a few years, and it is now shared and hosted at the site https://new2writing.wordpress.com/category/writephoto-challenge/ . I have used the hashtag and challenge before, thought it’s been a while. However, today’s concept is quite fitting.

In the photo, old furniture and collectibles sit together in what may be an antique shop. Being an allergy sufferer, I’m seeing lovely things but imagining dust. My mind says, ‘Out with the old, in with the new’….but only with moderation. Keep what works, and throw out what doesn’t, right? At any rate, some things are old but worth keeping, and sometimes what is old for one of us is new for another.

In my life, I started out last week feeling very confident, then it ended with some stressors with my job and extra club responsibilities. I’m sure it will work out. I’ll just focus at the positives. I am encouraging young people to write, and how could I do better than that? I also have opportunities for creativity, something I must have to thrive in a job. I am a nurturer and a creative. These opportunities at my job are important, since my son is grown now and my parenting is more hands-off, as should be.

My family life is slightly stressed, as I have an uncle who recently passed away after a COVID hospitalization. May he rest in peace. Relatives have told us he didn’t wear a mask in public and wasn’t vaccinated. He was almost eighty-years-old. My son has been sick with cold symptoms but tested negative for COVID, thank goodness. My boyfriend has been really sick with similar symptoms and is now better. I’m just carrying on. I did get my booster shot just over two weeks ago. I will mask up when I am moving around my classroom or sitting with students to help them.

Writing has been sporadic for me, but I wrote a first draft of Janie’s story that gives a little closure for her, so that’s something new. Janie is a character from my published short story, the eerie Crossroads Diner #205, which is on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B098269VSN and won Honorable Mention in a short story contest from Rave Reviews Book Club. My boyfriend was the one who encouraged me to continue the story for Janie. There are other characters who deserve their closure: Cowboy, Maria, Raul. I’m getting ideas! 🙂

Truly, writing is something that should remain new, with a constant flow of ideas. Ancient stories can always have an appeal. So, ‘out with the old,’ in my wishes, will be the writer’s block and the feeling that I don’t have time to write or market anymore or the feeling that I don’t have the energy, confidence, or ideas to still actively BE a writer. In with the new: ideas, energy, and spirit! I’ve decidedly recently that I should use my energy spurts efficiently to save up for retirement time, when I use my well-deserved rest and relaxation, keeping a balance, of course.

So, today is a day, one day for rest and relaxation. I sleep late, take my time with breakfast, go to get Starbucks coffee with my son. I’m seeing lots of binaries here. Work/rest, Old/New, Maintain/Release. I guess that’s where I am. My son and I are about to take the walk on a mini-trail hike, an old practice we haven’t done in years, so we need to make it new again. Have a great weekend, everyone!

**You may find out more about Natalie, our host of the weekly Coffee Share at https://natalietheexplorer.home.blog/

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Weekend Coffee Share, Grounding. #poetry

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. On this busy week, I struggled with sleep then made up for it all last night. 🙂 It’s a green matcha tea morning, and I’d like to share a poem I wrote and intended to publish earlier this week. This way, I can get to the park with my dog sooner! I’ll drop by some of your Coffee shares later.

Another day to wake up, clean up, show up.

Realizing philosophizing is making me want to throw up.

So, today I’ll stop looking at the skies and wondering why

I’ll turn my gaze down to the creatures on the ground

The ones that surround and keep me company,

I will rise and shine like the birds chirping this morning,

the sunshine peeking over the trees providing light and warming

The dog that is sniffing at the door to be let out

Then asks to come back in with a bark that shouts,

“Thank you for the outing, but I want to be with you!

I’ll need an outing later, but there are other things to do.”

I reach out and let him ground me

Let his love and kid-like joy surround me.

.

It is what it is, beyond our control,

But you can still love life, deep in your soul

Can I forget for a moment, what baffles me

and live each moment joyfully?

Weekend Coffee Share. An Insomniac’s Diary/ Slice of life

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Antoinette T. You can find her site and Weekend Coffee Share at https://antoinettetrugliomartin.com/2019/12/06/tis-the-season/  **It is half a cup of hazelnut coffee for me, and whatever you would like as I share my partial sleep/lack of sleep diary for the week.   It’s not as funny as Bridget Jones’ diary, but I think I am just as honest, so there’s that.  🙂  I am hoping some of you may have similar experiences.  Truly, there were several things competing for the heaviest weight on my mind this week.  My physical health and my quality of sleep are two of those things.  I’ve been sharing a lot on Facebook about it, partly because I know a few people who at times will post that they can’t sleep or can’t believe they are up at 4 a.m. and can’t get to sleep again.  I have found one or two friends who will chat with me on Messenger when I can’t sleep.  It helps to know you are not the only one with insomnia.

Why is this happening, though? I started physical therapy 8 days ago, and I have leg exercises to do morning and night.  The first two days I was so energized and waking up early.  However, I suspect I should do the night exercises earlier, maybe before dinner.  It will just take some shuffling of my schedule, and I am vowing to bring less work home.  The sad news of a friend’s passing was also something I had to mentally process.  May he rest in peace.

The week in a nutshell:

12/02: Woke up at 4:30 a.m.  Maybe it was the recent news of a dear friend/co-worker losing his battle with cancer.   This is such a big loss for my school and the community.  Maybe it was also partly a change of energy due to having started physical therapy this past week.  My mind was definitely a bit too busy after I woke and tossed/turned from sciatica ( a frequent occurrence).  FB post reads:  Insomniac thoughts: Nothing to see here, my brain is just rattling its cage. #overthinkersareus  

12/03: From my post:  I slept in until 5:23, I have a busy brain and a full cup of coffee, and this student artwork ( blue and pink origami bird) waits for me at my work computer. Started PT for the back and it’s going well. Should be working on the shoulder in the next few weeks. I feel stronger. It’s worth the investment, and I’m trying to work on my mindset. My body must keep up with my brain or they’ll ruin each other. I think my energy level is better, but yesterday was rough due to emotions and lack of sleep.

12/04:  Woke up at about 4:30 a.m. again.  Sciatica.  My doctor and I will discuss this tomorrow.  Scoured Facebook for something to lighten my thoughts and make me laugh.  Posted a funny meme of a rebellious woman not heeding her boyfriend’s command to ‘not drink the whole bottle of wine and act retarded.‘ She sports cut-off denim shorts, an empty wine glass, and Batman cape and mask.  Good for her!  I hope her boyfriend crawled away in shock and shame that he can’t handle this free-spirited girl.  I checked, and my boyfriend totally would not stop me if I wanted to do this. 🙂

12/05- Did not post about my sleep, but I think I slept through the night, so tired.  I did post about my friend who passed, as his visitation was going to be that evening.  Spoke to my doctor in the afternoon appointment about my sleep issues and leg pain.  He agrees the PT is the best thing, staying active is the best thing for arthritis and recurring pain.   For now, I am going to try melatonin at night.  I just spilled out all about my friend’s passing and the many things in the last three years that could have caused my pain: emotional family events, a car accident in ’16 that set off my nerves.  This is good.

12/06- I don’t think I got any actual sleep Thursday night.  My legs and sciatica were bugging me and I could not find my sciatic magnet therapy cuff.  It was cold in the air but I knew I couldn’t make it too hot in the house.  That, and I’d had the PT and a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon, lots to think about after the Dr. appt., and the PT included new exercises for the hips, which are pretty unbalanced, by the way (so I’m not used to the hip work that was introduced I probably really need it though).  The visitation for my friend occurred Thursday evening.  I got to meet his family, tell them why he was important to me.  There were so many co-workers I hadn’t seen in years except maybe Facebook, and we did some catching up and laughing about the best memories we have of Ron.  He was loved by so many.  The next morning’s post was me giving myself a pep-talk:

Ah, morning. Despite my lack of sleep, I will make the best of today! I plan to appreciate the students who like to give me hugs, the girls who are writing their paranormal version of the story I’m teaching them, the kids who just started Scholar Bowl and were so excited to tell me about it, and the awesome co-workers I get to work with. From brave new teachers who teach despite horrible news and opinions of teachers these days, to seasoned teachers who keep coming back due to their unstoppable warrior spirit that is, above all, fueled by love for their fellow man and hope for a better future. Life is good!

 Sunrise of hope.

I have been working through this.  I am not the kind who stays home to deal with my emotions.  The lack of sleep didn’t stop me, I liked being around the energy of middle schoolers.  My boss spoke to me early in the week and seemed very understanding of the processes I’m going through.  I’m still pushing through the PT and I know that my mental state is always the best when I feel strong physically, and my physical state is affected if I allow myself to become a bundle of nerves.  One of my relief mechanisms, writing, will not work if sitting in the computer for too long causes me back pain, which it does despite buying a special cushion for the sits bones.  By the way,I mentioned melatonin.  I started that Friday night.  Of course, I was so super tired.  I did my leg exercises from 7:30 to 8, and I fell asleep shortly after the dog-walking right after 10 o’clock.  So melatonin might have helped. I will be repeating and observing its effectiveness.

If you have read all of this, thank you for the patience.  I feel self-centered, but it has helped for me to get the events all together and the possible triggers/antecedents.  Perhaps some of you have been through some of these things? Please share if you are comfortable doing so.  I actually hope my Insomniac’s Diary does not go on a long time, I do not really want enough material for a whole book. 🙂

That was my week.  How was yours?

 

 

 

Weekend Coffee Share, The Mentors

 Pixabay photo.

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share. Please fasten your seatbelt, it’s going to be an emotional roller coaster ride as I will stop to acknowledge those who take their time to help our young people. Thank you in advance for joining me.

While I sit waiting for a pedicure at a busy nail shop, I wonder what good it was to make an appointment for 10 minutes ago. How do women handle sitting tbrough a pedi and then a mani, too? Do they know I’d rather be writing? Sorry for the gripe; I am rescued by the WordPress app on my phone! So, I’ll spill my thoughts to you.

I am happy and sad. Happy that people are downloading and listening to my audiobooks! On my WP home page there is a link to them and all I’ve written. I’m happy I had a nice holiday with my son and my boyfriend. Happy my son could attend an art show with me last night at a Wine Bar. The artist was my friend, and I encouraged my son to try and be social. We had a burger first, and he had a beer, which gets him talking, to me at least. 🙂 He is in a good place and loves his job.

I’m sad because, over the last two weeks, two great men lost their lives to battles with cancer. One had served an example for my son in community service at our church, and the other I’d known 19-20 years as a co-worker. He’d helped my son with Math, been a good listener as a co-worker, gave great parenting advice, and helped countless other kids. I feel grief but also gratitude for his presence in our lives. God put these people here for a reason. It’s sad to form the words you wish you’d spoken while they were living, I’m working on a poem in honor of these great mentors and friends, not the first we’ve lost, but very important.

Poetry, The Mentor, (c) 2019, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

What do you do when your mentors have all passed?

The last just left your life…

Do you become a sad shell of what you once were?

Do you strike out in anger, that life is so unfair?

Or do you rise up and recall all you’ve been taught?

Do you remember, and in remembering, wish you could say thank you?

See the many ways that you can say thanks, long after the great ones have left you.

Live your life in remembrance of all you have been taught.

It’s not easy, but your life is your ‘thank you.’

Live it well.

Shout to overcome the void, lest the void might overtake you.

This is how I deal with the negative feelings I’ve held in so long. My shout may be touching, it may be ugly at times, but I seek good health and have suffered the affects of holding in anger, grief, worry, fear much of my life. I believe this habit can be retrained. Thank you for joining me, maybe it was kind of weird…How was your week?

Another Soulful Sunday. #WeeklySmile

Photo taken Friday morning.

The natural/animal world makes me smile.  I get to see this sunflower budding while I walk my dog.  He always aims for the bushes surrounding it, but never for the sunflower plant.  I think this is a type of respect in the natural world.  Yes, I think he purposely does not aim at the sunflower plant,  as he knows it is higher in the pecking order of plant life.

Am I right?  I respect him more for it.  Seeing this thing grow makes me smile.  I’ll certainly share a picture when the flower blooms!  My smile this week is a quiet one.  A smile of acceptance and gratitude.  I am so thankful for my little dog monster that gets me out of the house and looking at these things.  I might not otherwise!  This little dog/monster that pulls on the leash and would chase every cat and squirrel if I let him….He’d also come home with deep scratches, I am sure.  He is quiet around me, just like me son is, but we enjoy a walk out in nature together,  my son and I, or my dog and I.  My son doesn’t chase after cats or squirrels, though.  🙂  My point is, the outdoor walks are very healthy for me and whoever is accompanying.

The natural world is so good for one’s mind.  This week at my workplace, we said goodbye to a co-worker who taught Science at my school for many years.  A dedicated teacher, she also took in and adopted several small critters into her classroom over the years.  She had such a respect for nature.  That’s what I’ll most remember, her nurturing and curiosity.  She was also friendly and always had a smile when I took my then younger son to work on an off day or after school.  She was about 60 and it was recently discovered she had cancer.  I want to go on about how her death didn’t have to happen.  Instead, I’ll just remember the stories of her outdoors adventures studying nature and her smile and, at times, sardonic wit.  My smile is a smile of acceptance, and even though that is hard, there is something worth smiling about, that I was privileged to know her.  Nature will reinforce our belief that life goes on.  I think Deb would appreciate that.  Always remember, but don’t tarnish your remembrance with regret.

  Photo taken Saturday evening.

***Weekly smile is a blogger’s challenge started by Trent.  Visit his blog and his Weekly Smile post at  https://trentsworldblog.wordpress.com/2017/08/06/i-want-your-smiles-weeklysmile-83-reminder/

Have a great week!