Life’s Ceaseless Circus

(C) 2021, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

My life is a three-ring circus, but someone forgot the popcorn.

I am a performer that sometimes falls at breakneck speed,

Never allowed to simply sit in the stands.

Sometimes I fret over how I have performed…

I sometimes am greeted by smiles, and other times, worry lines.

After a fall, I dust myself off and practice my turns, I can not give up.

Maybe it never slows down, and I’ll need to stay well-rehearsed

Maybe I should call the shots and require performer’s rights

Being a one-woman show who enlists others to join

We’ll dance with elephants and laugh with the monkeys while singing jolly songs

I don’t control this circus, but I can set the tone.

The smile on my face is my choice, the reaction I choose is my dance on the wire.

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Weekend Coffee Share. Out of my Head, and onto the Page.

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at eclecticali.wordpress.com

What a lovely weekend it is! Here in the southeast U.S., it will be close to 100 degrees today! I took Bixby to the dog park Saturday, and we could not even last an hour.
There were plenty of dogs, and he loved that, but they all where panting heavily in no time in that heat. At least he drank a lot of water! The dog park is always a treat for me as well; I love to watch dogs play.

I am approaching my birthday this coming week. It makes me look back and ponder my life and choices while appreciating all that has been given me. I have been blessed in so many ways.

This throwback photo is of me in April, 1996, either a week before or the day before I gave birth to my son. All of this talk of women’s reproductive rights gets me thinking. My son was certainly planned and wanted. For those who had a child that was not planned, I honor you as well. No two experiences with motherhood are the same. How different could the pregnancy experience be for someone who is raped or does not have access to birth control? We do not need to move backward with women’s rights, or the rights of any other sort of person! I suppose I’ll be accused of being political. Posting certain things on my Facebook can lead to arguments from some of my staunchly GOP friends. I have some in my family, too. I love them no matter what and try to disagree amicably.

All of this reflection has led to me setting up a separate Facebook to share some poems and past journal entries about my experiences as a woman. Oddly, if I try to boost any of those posts or the page, FB wants an extra authentication process, meaning I will likely be put on a list somewhere. I feel so important now! I am tired of holding my tongue just because I am a girl, and I have never picketed for women’s rights. I am a firm believer that the pen is mightier than the sword.

As part of this whole process, I have considered writing some books under a pen name, and do not always feel comfortable sharing certain things under my own name that involve subverting the paradigm or opening eyes to my point of view, so I’m trying it out to see how it goes.

My most recent post was a poem entitled “Sorry,” which is all about the way many of us have been raised to be sorry for so many things, when we just needed to express our emotions or we didn’t want a hug from Dad’s scary old man friend. You know, taught to be sorry when we didn’t live up to others’ expectations of how we should behave as a girl.

I do think this may lead into a book someday, but I have no other details. I am still working on my WIP, Malachi, and I am considering a summer trip to the place which is the setting of this book. Of course, this means I need to get to planning, and I am so behind on that. I can do this!

Why was she always so sorry? (Image via Pixabay).

Thank you for stopping by for my Weekend Coffee Share! I know I have mostly been sharing about what’s going on in my head, but hey, I am doing something about it, because my thoughts don’t eat me up anymore. Have a great week!

Weekend Coffee Share. Happy Easter!

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at https://eclecticali.wordpress.com/ . I would like to wish everyone a Happy Easter, whether you are simply celebrating spring time, Passover, or the resurrection of Jesus, whether you are religious or simply spiritual, or even agnostic. As I grow older I am firmly believing it is not my place to judge one’s beliefs but to respect all.

Maybe I am developing a live and let-live philosophy. After all, I do believe in Jesus’ teachings that we should love one another.  I wish it was more pervasive in our world.

I was blessed to help my son celebrate his 23rd birthday on Friday! I feel blessed that he made it this many years, and I have decided that is how I will see every new birthday that I come across, as well. A blessing.  Even though I seem to get more aches and pains as time passes, it is all a blessing.  Well, some of it is downright laughable, so plan on seeing some jokes from me in future posts, as time goes by.  🙂

Saturday, I got some much-neglected writing done; it was such a good feeling!  I am too busy right now and can’t wait until the course I am taking is completed.  This summer, my character and I have a date to resolve his life crisis.  I will leave it at that for now.

We enjoyed a beautiful church service on Easter with music and an inspiring message.  I am in an interesting spot with my faith.  I need more time to just sit and enjoy things, like a puppy enjoys play and greets the sun with stretches, like an elderly woman gets the biggest smile with a visitor and is filled with gratitude, or the way a toddler just wants to be held by its mom.  I am tired of analyzing the nuances of my faith and trying to make sense of it.  This is where I am for now.  The concept of Jesus is the feeling of being totally accepted and protected; he would do anything for me.  He is at once a friend and a parent, and I can’t make sense of it right now.  I can only feel it, but it is unconditional, and I strive for my parenting to be the same.

After church, we had some down time between lunch and dinner, and everyone was watching TV or videos in the house in different rooms.  While I enjoyed the show I was watching, I felt like something more was needed.  It was a beautiful day outside!  I convinced my son we should take the dog to the park and don’t regret it for a minute.  He pulls on the leash and sniffs everywhere, tinkles and marks his spot all over the place.  His gusto is admirable.  In this photo he had already been trying to lead us all over the park.  I am wearing my peace-sign t-shirt.  There is no better day for a peace sign, a loving dog, family, and sunshine.

How about some peace in our world as well?  Unconditional, non-judgmental acceptance of others?  We do not have to accept violence.  We do not have to accept hate.  We can only fight it with love. We must continue to love our families non-stop, no matter what happens in the White House or in the world.  Have a great week, brothers and sisters.

I am Mother. #Poetry

Photo taken in 2008. That’s my son and I; he was twelve at the time.  (And that’s 425 steps)!  A happy memory. 🙂 I have witnessed my son growing up drastically lately.  All part of the process.  I brought out this poem while reflecting on how much he has changed.

copyright 2015, Pamela Schloesser Canepa

I am Mother.

I feed you, clothe you, house you.

I shield you from harm.

You are my child.

I am Mother.

I stand back and let you fall,

Teetering and learning how to get back up.

You are an adult.

How did it come to this?

It seems it happened overnight.

I am supposed to let go.

But what if something bad happens?

I am confused.

As you wallow in the mud,

how can I not reach in to help?

But then how would you learn,

to help yourself?

I am Mother.

I no longer make the rules.

Life won’t tell me what is next.

Nor will you.  Nor do you know.

I feel destined to fail.

I am  still Mother.

Though I will sometimes fail.

And you’ll tell me I’m wrong.

I still love you always,

Even when I gracefully lose.

I am still your Mother.

And I will never quit.