Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Pull up a chair and your morning beverage of choice!
This morning, I’m having a light breakfast with my green Tazo tea. It has a reasonable amount of caffeine and tastes great without anything added. I have lunch with a friend later, but I woke up late. Therefore, breakfast is a lighter portion of cereal with my usual fruit and turmeric powder on top. I have to undo a week of unhealthy eating.
After dinner at a trivia night, I stress-ate lots of salty fries, then got all full on teacher appreciation treats this week. This includes ice cream floats for the teachers on Thursday. I had dessert before my carb-less pot pie lunch! 😉 Sometimes the most meaningful gifts is a handwritten note. This one was inside of a card that said, “Thank you for being you,” and was so well-written!
The green tea is tasty and energizing me! It’s one of my favorite things, and living with two other adults, I had to eat dinner without my caffeine-free green tea a few nights, as my son drank it all. Things like this happen a lot. It takes a good measure of unconditional love for this to work. 🙂 It helps that he pays rent.
Mother’s day is tomorrow, and I hope to have a beach walk with my son, then lunch with my mom. There’s a Mother’s day market she seems interested in attending, so we’ll do that. My school year’s almost over, and I’m doing some cruise dreaming! Almost there!
Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, on a quiet morning that touches us lightly with a little sunshine and very little humidity. Sixty-five degrees on a morning in Northeast Florida is truly a blessing. My drink of choice is Half-caff hazelnut coffee, and Miles Davis plays in the background in my home ‘cafe.’
We are dog-sitting this weekend. Lucy, a small, energetic curly-haired dog runs around with Bixby and then sits at my feet. Bixby is not sure what’s going on. He’s used to being top-dog, the only dog. My mother is still sleeping, and he has gone back to snuggle with her. A dog for everyone! Who wouldn’t enjoy that? Just a rhetorical question.
The sunshine on the house is quite lovely, and Bixby’s fluffy tail frequently expresses his enthusiasm! The dog situation this weekend is a bright spot for me. Instead of looking to the skies and wondering why, I am looking down to the ground at the creatures that were put in our care by the creator to keep us company and make us focus on living. That’s what they do, and so should we.
Dogs are exceptional companions, that’s why they make great emotional support animals. Bixby helps remind me that one does not always need to act their age, and that it is always helpful and appropriate to sniff the air on a beautiful day! It helps me forget my worries, such as why my son is not speaking to me, why my relationship went south, why so much change had to happen at once.
In fact, this Mother’s Day was the first one in which my son was not present. He is not speaking to me. My ex-husband was supposed to bring him to a restaurant and we’d all have dinner, but instead it was my ex-husband treating my mom and me to dinner with much conversation centered around my son. Not all of it though. He seemed to sensed the talk was bringing me down and changed the topic. I took Mom to the restaurant early to have a drink at the bar, though, and she enjoyed that. She likes being social.
I’d have to say, though, that my Mother’s day was nice if I don’t factor in the missing element. Then, this past week at work just grew to be so stressful. It’s the end of the year, teachers are worried about testing, and the kids have the Spring fever. Ugh. So, the dogs are nice company today, and I had a nice dinner last night with an ex-boyfriend from years ago. We had kept in touch through e-mail, and I contacted him recently about all I had going on and suggested we meet-up because I always found him easy to talk to. He agreed to meet.
When one does this, it could mean let’s start a friendship again, let’s have fun, or even more. One does not have to dwell on ‘what it means’ though. We were able to talk quite easily, and that is good. We haven’t seen each other in twenty years. While I am not looking to jump into a relationship, I know when I find someone easy to talk to that I value their time. Along with female friends, I do have male friends that I talk to these days, but I don’t see them as anything but friends. I am going to give myself some space to be my own person. Reaching out though, is one thing I am getting good at. He asked lots of questions and I went through my stories while he listened.
It’s always good to have a friend who listens. It is much better to spend time with someone who knows some of your quirks as well as qualities. This is why I take this kind of chance. Hanging out with members of the opposite sex, or dating after a break-up (this time from an 11-year relationship), can cause anxiety in itself. Sometimes I have felt like I should just spend all my time with the dog and my female teacher friends and just forget socializing with the opposite sex.
In telling my stories, I found that I would lose train of thought a lot, and forget what I was talking about. My short-term memory at times seems affected in that way, and I wonder if my anxiety has caused that or if, as the doctor said, I have ADHD. If so, that means I suddenly developed it in the last few years, or it could be the brain-fog women get as they move up in the years. Ah, something else to worry about? I should just laugh it off. With my students, I sometimes call myself the absent-minded professor.
I can remember conversations from twenty years ago and moments from my childhood, but in a busy classroom or while conversing in a crowded restaurant, I can forget what I was just talking about. So, I have not lost my memory, it’s just a short-term memory thing. As I tell my students, sometimes very intelligent people can forget things, or….”I have an awful lot in my mind, sometimes something won’t take hold.” 🙂 Not making excuses at all. Repetition helps memory. I tell them that as well. It’s all part of the evolving me, no problem. I still think I’m alright. I have a lot less shame and self-judgment which leaves a lot more room for honesty.
All of this sort of fits in with my ongoing novel about Ellie, my on and off work-in-progress, as I have been more focused on working on me lately. Ellie’s story lives on, though, and is developing with everything I learn. She is not me, but I am a part of her. It’s gonna be great. 🙂
Thanks for visiting my ‘cafe’ for a coffee chat. Weekend Coffee Shareis hosted every weekend by Natalie the Explorer. Have a great weekend!
Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Today is a matcha green tea day, as my dog rests at my feet. Morning gratitude affirmations play in the background. I am very ponderous, it being Mother’s Day weekend.
This goes out to the mothers out there and the fathers who filled a Mother’s role, the nurturers, encouragers, and listeners. You are awesome, and you build a future, whether you know it or not.
I am so grateful I will be able to spend time with my mother tomorrow. However, it is up in the air whether my son will join us at dinner tomorrow. He’s going through a hard time and does not want my involvement. I am trying not to be sad about it. So, now this goes out to the mothers who will be alone this weekend due to military, war, or loss. The mothers whose child (whether young or grown) is sick, hospitalized, incarcerated, or estranged. Enjoy your day, do it for you. At some point you realize you have very little control over the choices they make. If you laid the foundation for faith, love, and hard work in their lives, then you have done an excellent job. Be thankful for your own mother. If your family is riddled with trouble, addiction issues, or abuse, find a way to do something just for yourself. It will strengthen you for the next battle.
Realize that there comes a time when their battles are their own, and not yours. Once your child is grown, you can only remind them they are loved, and hope they will hear it and feel it. I have worked hard recently to let him fight his own battles, and he is going to do it his way, not mine. In an odd turn of events, my ex-husband moved down here to be closer to his son and has been turned away as well. He gets filled with worry about our son’s well-being, too. I pray he can be a positive presence in our son’s life.
Those of us who grew up with or live in a dysfunctional family should always remember that we are not dysfunctional. We are warriors, and sometimes I believe there is a way we can use that experience to help others. It is one way to make something out of the dunghill, something that possibly could shine.
Here is a recent favored quote I have found: “Our past is not, as some fear, a series of events carved in stone that we must carry around for the rest of our lives… but a kaleidoscope of experiences that, when viewed through different lenses, can ‘color’ (change) how we see our present and future.” ~ Bill Crawford
Life is short. Do what you like! My new motto. Last year, Mom arranged for us to go sailing. We got a free upgrade to a catamaran. Luxurious! But she said she enjoyed the monohull we had this year even better. In talking to my mom, I also found out she wants to go skydiving someday. Imagine that! Skydiving has been on my bucket list for years, and to know it’s on hers? Wow!
Here’s the gist of it, though: she’s ready to get to work on that bucket list, and I admire that. I won’t for a moment let it make me sad.
Instead, I’ll applaud her doing things for herself. Maybe I’ll even go skydiving with her! I’ve been putting it off, waiting for a time I thought I could deal with a broken bone.
Fact is, I’ve also been putting off that trip to Europe, waiting for a time I could deal with a long airplane flight. Is my bucket list different now? Trust me, I still plan to see the sunrise in multiple states. I’ll have to think on this. In the meantime, I plan to encourage her to do those things she’s been wanting to do.
I am so thankful that I still have her around and that we can be close. I am also glad I was able to spend time with my son on Mother’s day!
**Mother’s Day has been great, and I feel so blessed because:
My mother surprised me with these unique blue orchids! She just does such thoughtful things like that! She knows me, and how I love these alien-looking beauties, that seem to whisper, “I’m beautiful, but I will eat you alive if you come too close.” I like that in a flower… 🙂
Although my mom worked today, we were able to take her to breakfast, and it was very enjoyable, before going our separate ways….
While at breakfast, my son agreed to a picture, and he gave a genuine smile for the camera! This means a lot to me, as he just glared at the camera when we were out for his birthday. He really doesn’t like someone making a fuss over him in public. So, of course, there was no singing to him in the restaurant. To each his own.
My son went to church with me, and he hasn’t done that in a little while…
He drove me to church, in his car, that he recently bought used, which means he is working, which has been a long time coming.
At home, I got some writing done, while my son went to get a haircut. When he got back, it was pretty quiet around here, like usual. You see, that’s how he is. And I have learned to stop fighting against who he chooses or who he prefers to be.
During the quiet times, while I am writing on this keyboard, or laying back, reading my Kindle, my dog is curled up next to me, loyal, faithful, always ready if I put my shoes on for a walk.