own it – pamelascanepa

There are two levels of me in everything–

the scared, unsure child and the reasonable adult

comforting her or calming her, reminding of what’s

real and what is a reflection of an anxious mind.

But which is the one that takes off on a flight of fancy?

Which is the one that laughs at an uncomfortable moment,

breaking the tension with a goofy smile?

Which is the intellectual and which is the buffoon?

Ah, but aren’t they one and the same when

I can open up and just laugh at myself?

You see. These two threads are intertwined.

I should deny neither one. I have earned that prize,

my prize for repressing the youthful spirit

when I still had my youth, a consolation prize,

for I had to be good girl, big sister, had to be the wife, and then the mom

restrained by fear or worry or someone else’s view of me.

I had to be what society wanted to see…

and was so afraid to step out of those lines.

I have owed it to myself, I should have claimed it then

But finally now I see it’s my right,

To comfortably own all sides of myself.

Don’t hide from the storm. Revel in its power and beauty.

Here’s my Weekend Coffee Share. Take it or leave it. Digest it or leave it on the table. Yeah, I suppose I sound a little antisocial today. I’m having work and COVID fear- burnout this weekend and don’t feel up to doing much. I’m working on avoiding overwhelm/stress/anxiety. I’m reading about the brain and pain/anxiety. I was kind of achy when I woke this morning.

The 4 a.m. restroom wakeup had me tossing and turning to get back to sleep while an 80s Pixies song danced in my head. (My frequent wakeup song on the way to work). 🙂

Nonetheless, it is a coffee day…because there is always something to do. While I don’t have flu or any other illness, I will be doing. Right now the coffee has my brain juices going, working to get over the fatigue and body aches I feel. I’ve read a lot on this, and I’m a firm believer in tension-myositis. So, here is what I’ve learned from my recent readings in poetic form:

Don’t ignore the ugliest parts of yourself

Stare them down and challenge them

Know them, don’t deny them.

“Try it, I dare you.” Don’t back down, nothing can stop you

Headache, heartburn, pain, fear or fatigue…don’t let them rule

While you’re quaking in your boots, face the giant

You’ve faced it before, and it truly is not bigger than you.

You’re older now, facing many changes

They cannot control you, for you are not only a sum of difficult times

You are every good thing that has happened to you

You are every victorious moment of triumph in adversity

Never forget that when facing the storm.

It never was bigger than you.

Tag: own it

Two Levels, #poetry

Weekend Coffee Share, Challenge

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