Here’s to another day of teaching middle schoolers at the end of the year ( no new content, just encouraging creativity), selling yearbooks, and recovering from an upper respiratory virus. I’m not sure I even can give 100% to any of these things individually at the moment.
Writing and being a writer is in the back burner, but this blog is part of writing. However, today this post feels like a cry out into the winds of chaos….”A break, I said…I just need a break! Please?”
By the way, I did buy that new-to-me car, which ate up a huge chunk of last Sunday, but I feel much safer now, so I don’t regret it! Soon, I’ll have time off to finish vacation planning.
That’s really all I’ve got for the moment. Thanks for hearing my impassioned plea for respite!
Yes, I went back for round two of Zen acupuncture. No regrets!
Zen acupuncture: 2
My stress: 0
There’s still a slight unnerving feeling when the needles go in, but that is gone in an instant, and since it’s Zen acupuncture, they are small needles and don’t go very deep. It’s 30 minute getaway. What can I say? I work hard! I deserve this.
Ugh, I struggle with meditation. I think I hold anxiety everywhere in my body. I tried to calm my busy mind last night. I turned on some relaxing music which helped my brain, but it is hard to shut my brain off. I had a purpose for meditation, to think about where I hold anxiety in my body, there’s so many places. So many injuries, each with a story of their own. Many mishaps and accidents due to my dorkiness, someone’s inattention, or someone’s bad driving; probably the biggest problem though, is how my brain reacts to these things. I think I need my meditation to focus on nothing.
Of course, that Celsius energy tea I had at lunchtime didn’t help me shut it all down when it was time to go to sleep last night. I tried to ask my aching legs what they’re trying to tell me, then something else chimed in like the back of my neck, and then I remembered my achy shoulder which constantly hurts because I seem to have shoulder impingement 100% of the time since I hurt it in 2020, despite shoulder rehab.
I don’t know if it’s good or bad at this point that I am slightly kinesthetic in my habits and that I can’t thrive being still for too long. I’ve had a lifetime with phases of aerobics, weight training, kick-boxing classes, Zumba, yoga. Now everything is modified, on my own, but I am still moving. There is a time for everything. I need to learn to honor the time to shut it off, to just let my brain take in some mellow music, and let my body rest.
Anyhow, I am not giving up on meditation, but I think meditation on something specific defeats the purpose for me. I need time to shut it all off and let myself just be. It was hard after a conversation with my ex as well last night. I need to stop taking on other people’s drama. I need to just be. That’s my new goal. We’ll see how this goes!
Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer . It has been a warm weekend, and my Saturday morning blog ritual is a Sunday brunch post for this week. I have a nice, cold mocha to match this warm weather. How about you?
This past week was a busy one, even though Monday was a planning day. I had to catch up on some online training in the morning on planning day, and had signed up for some training for that afternoon, so most of that day consisted of me sitting at the computer, and responding to things brought up in training. I’m glad to say I completed all of it!
Tuesday and Wednesday morning we had testing of students in their home room. This involves actively monitoring the students and maintaining a calm, quiet environment as well as filling out certain required paperwork. My habit of wearing sneakers almost daily is paying off, I must say, because to truly actively monitor, I must be moving around a lot.
Thursday afternoon, I went to the chiropractor. I like his holistic approach, which is different than the last chiropractor. This one manually adjusts my back, neck, and leg/ hip area (which he helps me stretch first). It’s such a relief after I feel that little crack in my back, and I get sooo relaxed. My back was sore the next day, though.
Testing season is stressful on a teacher as well as the students, so my extra stress may have added to that back pain, and my shoulder pain was acting up again. I haven’t been back for more acupuncture yet, but I’m glancing at my calendar now and planning to do so. Speaking of stress, one of the things that helps me de-stress is my dog, Bixby. This week, we celebrated National Puppy Day. I don’t remember what day it was, but I posted this cute throwback photo of Bixby:
Friday night was time to relax and sleep after a healthy Thai dinner. I had appointments for my taxes and to get my hair done Saturday morning. I am happy with the results of both. Last night, Chris and I went out to eat with my son, who will be 27 soon. It blows my mind! We enjoyed ourselves at a seafood restaurant. My son let me try his aviator frames.
We went back home and Chris watched an old movie with us called The Game. Chris left early, having worked Saturday. I slept pretty well knowing I did not have to wake up at a certain time this morning, so I did sleep in and then watch the church service online. Easter is coming soon. Time is flying back. I’m getting along, though. I have a little bit of grading to do today, but perhaps I’ll paint a little as well. Another de-stresser!
Have a great weekend and a great week to follow. Take some time to do something just for you!
What a life I live! Those were words I started writing in my diary when I was thirteen. Sometimes it seemed sarcastic: other times, very hopeful.
Recently, I looked back in some old diaries I kept at age 13 and 14. I was quite innocent then, but man, did I ever write a lot about crushes I had on boys! Even in church and in the private church school. These diaries covered looking back at 1979 when Dad told me he and Mom had to work some things out, then skipped to me writing about the divorce happening, but NOTHING about my feelings. It covered the closing of my private school, starting at a public high school, the sale of my childhood house, moving to an apartment where I had to make new friends, and navigating the public school arena and seeing my dad maybe once yearly, yet my posts seemed mostly hopeful.
I didn’t express my feelings or opinions much, as if I feared someone would peek at my diary. Through all the changes, I never mentioned crying, except when Beth, a character in Little Women, died of a long term illness. My dad had given me the book, and I’d started reading it over that Christmas break when my brother and I went to visit him.
Never did I mention crying when my dad said they’d divorce if they couldn’t work it out, never when they divorced. I didn’t even write that day . My posts seemed like simple recountings of my days overall. I wrote a lot about boys when I was 14 too, as if I thought they would make my life better. I wrote funny stories about my friends and sounded like I responded to many things with the attitude of, “Oh well,” which seemed different than before. I mentioned getting ignored by a boy and feeling glum, then being cheered up by a friend or some other boy.
Man, was I shallow, or what? Even then, I was pondering being a writer…you have to start somewhere, I guess. Honestly, I think I didn’t express my feelings well until they hit me over the head. It seems I avoided my feelings a lot. Maybe I was afraid of them. Funny, I didn’t write much about my beliefs, just about my activities with church and youth group.
Well, I guess things have changed! I was disappointed with myself, though, because I can look back and remember the feelings I had. Maybe it just took me a little while to learn how to express them, even to my diary. Guess what? I lived through it all, every growth experience. What a life I live!
I used to drive to work every morning with a list of things in my head that I must do when I get there, since nothing is ever completely done. The “list” would stress me out before I even got to work!
Now, I lose myself in a song. Somehow, I’ve grown into the ability to do that. Needless to say, my job as a teacher is stressful. Sometimes in my life, my family life has been stressful. Perhaps it has all worn on my nerves like a repetitive stress type of condition. I am making headway, I think. Why stress about work before I even get there? I enjoy my music, and keep my mind clear. Stress can wait!
Some would say I’m just letting the music hypnotize me, but we often give ourselves over to worry, anxiety. So now, I see I can give my mind to a good lyric, an inspiring melody–one that I’ve chosen. It doesn’t stop me from getting ready once I get to work, and my mind is more at ease when I’m preparing to let kids into class and make them feel welcome. Heck, I can make notes that will be there waiting when I get there. No need to stress myself to remember!
Sometimes I have hard days. I kind of have COVID anxiety again because of my mom being sick. I’m masking up around my mother, at work, and around other people. It was coo out l this morning, and when I turned the heater on, it smelled like something was burning. My mom would be in that all day, so of course, I was worried about a carbon monoxide issue, and it smelled like gas.
I ordered two space heaters on Amazon during breakfast. I informed my mom about the heater, as being sick may give her the chills, and she does have a space heater, albeit old. I dealt with this and a sore shoulder before getting to work, where I had to give a test. I’m sure my voice sounded pretty testy. Get it? 🙂
If you suffer from generalized anxiety (or GAD) as I do, there were likely lots of triggers in your life. If you have any other mental health issue (as my son does), yet you get out in the world and work or volunteer, create art and share, you are a warrior, perhaps even a victor. You are daily slaying the dragons, or perhaps making friends with them. Just don’t ever let them stop you!
There are coping mechanisms I’ve developed in testing time like counting and double checking . It seems a lot like OCD, but I know that is a result of anxiety. (Yes, I’m aware OCD is it’s own sort of anxiety disorder). At any rate, this was not an easy day, but I did not let the dragons stop me!
This is my positive self-talk. It quite often works, and gets me out of bed replacing these thoughts with a purpose for my day. I won’t lie, it still was a hectic day. I still survived it, though.
So, this evening I’ll order food again to avoid dirty dishes, and I’ll stop at the store to get bottled water and wood for the fireplace. It is supposed to start getting cold again tomorrow. Nothing compared to what you have if you live up north, but we are not used to this!
Somewhere, I’ll fit in my 30 minute cardio on the Gazelle exerciser on the porch. This day has shaped up nicely in regards to weather, so I’m sure it will lighten my mood a bit. Have a good evening, everyone!
Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Pull up a chair for a coffee chat!
It has been a busy week with my health goals and work. My personal time mostly involved paying bills and trying to consciously relax myself in order to sleep at night. Part of that process has been essential blue oils and breathing exercises. One night it all worked, the next it didn’t. The night I added yoga to the mix made falling asleep easy! I still woke up way too early, though.
Of course, waking and then tossing and turning is a result of my shoulder issue. However, Wednesday afternoon the orthopedic doc gave me an intra-articular steroid shot through into my shoulder joint. Well, the next day I could move it more, and my spirits sure felt better! I’ve been assigned to 5 more weeks of physical therapy.
Hopefully, it all works so I won’t need surgery. Good thing I did get some relief, because Friday, I coordinated picture day at school. It was quite a busy day, but I had some student helpers and other staff also helped. I was glad when it was over!
My son is starting orientation for a new job Monday. Such happy news! We celebrated with a good dinner Thursday.
Besides having my son’s job to celebrate, I’m glad to report that this weekend was packed full with activities designed to de-stress and relax me!
Saturday was a great day for a massage; I started with green matcha tea and juice, ending the day with a dinner of Japanese Hibachi with my boyfriend. Sunday, I had brunch with some gal pals, and it was scrumptious! I hadn’t seen some of these ladies in a few years, so it’s great to have a regular brunch meetup with them now. I had quiche, grits , salad, and an indulgent cup of coffee ( a rare treat for me these days)!
Later in the day, I had the honor of attending the Van Gogh Immersive Exhibit. Our neighbor got us tickets. It was a beautiful, touching experience, and I’m so thankful I got this chance!
Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Pull up a chair in your favorite beverage. It’s a green tazo tea day for me, because I am moving at my own pace. Let’s enjoy a little chat.
It’s a 3-day weekend for me, and yesterday was a payday, so I rang in the weekend by going to St Mary’s seafood and having a delicious dinner. My mother and our neighbor Bonnie met me there. There was ’80s music playing in the background, so it really put me in a cheery mood to start this weekend.:)
Grilled Alaskan Pollock, sauteed green beans, rice pilaf and some hush puppies. Scrumptious! I told my boyfriend about it, and he said he really wished he could have been there. He has been fighting sinus troubles and a bad cold.
Work is starting to get a little stressful, but I am going to relax and be lazy with reckless abandon this weekend, because I deserve it. My dog seems to approve of that sentiment.
If you know me, then you know that I feel creatively challenged right now because of my hand arm and shoulder pain/ impingement, which is taking too long to resolve; writing is really hard to do right now. I did get an idea to share a photo of Bixby in a chilled out mood sitting on the stoop. I posted it as a social media story with the Rolling Stones song, Waiting For A Friend. Perfect!
That song to me seems to start out so relaxed and unassuming, just the guy sitting on a stoop watching his surroundings on a weekend evening. Somewhere, somehow, at the end, we get the horn playing and suddenly the song just sounds so magical to me. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always loved it! 🙂
I plan to do more of these with Bixby, maybe with the advent of every weekend and giving him a different caption.
I mean, the look on his face! It could be taken so many different ways. I am having fun with this, I hope other people see the humor that I see. If not, I’m just glad I can see things the way I see them, and y’all are missing out. LOL. At least I can make myself laugh. 🙂
I think we’ll end this conversation on that note. Life is always laughable, right? At times, I have said “Life is a Seinfeld episode.” Or, Seinfeld is life. It gets me through the trying times!
Thanks for listening. I hope all is well with you all and that you find a smile or laugh in your coffee cup this morning. Take care!
Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. It’s a beautiful morning, birds are singing, and I’m enjoying my breakfast with Zen green tea. It has a little bit of caffeine, so we’re all good!
If we were having a coffee chat today, I’d tell you that my school year with the students ended yesterday. It was a busy week with events but slow on the teaching requirements. I just had to make sure my grades were finalized, and I did. Class time was comprised mostly of word games and helpers cleaning out my cabinets. Some students are very kinesthetic and like to be doing things with their hands, others loved playing multiple games of Scrabble. I enjoyed teaching them strategies! Attendance dropped off after Tuesday, though.
Tuesday was the day of the school shooting in Texas. I heard nothing of it during the school day, as we were preparing at school for the 6th and 7th grade dance. I chaperoned at the dance and enjoyed watching the kids have fun while I had to admonish some now and then for running around or trying to play tag, you’re it. Some set up a Conga line/ train and made their way around the auditorium with smiles on their faces. Others got down and boogied. It was fun to watch and definitely a little bit of sensory overload that tired me out by the end of the day. After school, I attended Taco Tuesday with some teacher friends to let off some steam, and I was certainly tired when I got home.
I have many thoughts about the shooting, but I mostly am full of emotion and sorry that our kids have to grow up in a world like this. Children were searched when they got to school Wednesday morning. Backpacks were banned for the last three days of school (as they should be). Many kids were absent through the rest of the week, but I enjoyed my time with those who attended while explaining the stricter rules to them and why the current state of our nation/world requires them. I was pleased to see some 8th grade students I had taught years prior who showed me all of their awards they received at the ceremony. Some of them said goodbye on the last day and I let them take my picture in the hallway. So many mixed emotions on that day, as always. Also, a sense of relief. 🙂
I just want to say that our children deserve a better world. We also need more mental health services in our schools. Yes, they are beefing up security, but let’s curtail the problem at it’s root. Then, let’s fix our society so that our nation values children more than the bottom line. It may not happen in my lifetime. Maybe my only purpose is to let every child have a sense of belonging.
In other news this week, I suspect my dog, Bixby has PTSD, faltering eyesight, or slight dementia. He is getting very cranky at night if I try to pet him while he’s lying down, and he starts growling if I use that high-pitched voice that normally brings him running. Then he looks at me like he doesn’t know me. This happens most in my mom’s bedroom, so maybe the lighting is too dim and he’s tired. Maybe there is something wrong. He’s between 10 and 11 years old but was already scarred when we got him at age 3. Regardless, he has been a beacon of hope for the happiness and reduction of stress for everyone in my household!
My mom took Bixby for a haircut yesterday, and he doesn’t snap at the groomer, nor does he snap at his vet. He is only taken there during the day, though. This snapping that he does started maybe 2 years ago, which makes me think it is state of mind or PTSD from a nighttime event. He always hated fireworks. Not to mention his near-death experience last weekend. I wrote about it here: https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2022/05/22/bixby-the-wonder-dog/
Bixby had all kinds of fears when we got him and a chip on his shoulder, but he loved us when we showed him love, and he still does. This morning, he hopped on my bed early and stayed at my feet to let me sleep in, then woke me at 7:20 to let him out. He stretched when I stretched and allowed me to pet him while he wagged his tail lovingly. I know my dog’s heart is still good. I feel this is beyond dog-training and requires understanding, if nothing other than giving him space when it’s dark out. He’s a small dog. I haven’t had him around other dogs at the park in a while and plan to try this summer. And, yes, another dog training class in the near future may be needed. He is family, and family members give each other understanding.
So, I’m thankful he is clearheaded and more like himself this morning. I think I will take him for an extended walk. It’s my birthday weekend, so there are two good dinners planned, time with my sweetie, and a massage scheduled tomorrow. Only good things are in store this weekend! Maybe I’ll do a post like a couple of years ago on inventions a woman my age would really like to see! Maybe a posture support tank top with internal cooling fans? Underwire-free!
But I jest …or do I? 🙂
So, I have a stressful job and a crazy dog, but dealing with crazy has been my life story. You just don’t know; I seem destined for that. It doesn’t depress me anymore. I now know when to be patient and when to exercise my boundaries.
I hope you all have a joyous weekend, and a great week to follow. I’m counting this as the start of my summer!