Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Antoinette Truglio Martin. If we were having coffee today, I would tell you that I am on a journey of learning. Of course, I’ve mentioned my participation in physical therapy, as I am working on some pain areas that I have due to arthritis, or stress, or one of the car accidents from my past, or maybe from one of my falls when I was younger and stupid. I believe it is progressing well, and the sciatica is at a minimum, though it comes back when I wear the wrong shoes at work and have a stressful day. At any rate, I am so glad I finally took this step rather than telling myself I did not have time. I feel great about this decision.
Working on health of body, spirit, and mind.
Stressful days have been a norm lately. The teaching schedule has been a little off due to five days of testing students in the mornings. Students don’t respond well to the change in routine, and as a matter of fact, I don’t think I do either. I take extra long to get papers or test materials in order, to the point that one kid asked if I have OCD. I said, “Yeah, probably. Oh, well.” It is a type of anxiety, and I tend to get that.
I’ve been reading up on the brain and its relation to anxiety and pain. Facebook has targeted me, showing me ads on the Curable app. So guess what? I downloaded it for free. Better to be informed than to be surprised, as I was the first time I had an anxiety attack four years ago. I was convinced someone had broken into our house in the middle of the night. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest. I went and got the dog out of his crate; he sensed nothing. Before this, all I had ever sensed in myself was being nervous or stressed: sweaty palms, red face, that sort of thing. This time, I wasn’t sure if I could slow my heart down; it was horrible. I don’t know if it just all piled up. I’m working on it. I’ve read that pain and anxiety are part of the brain’s response to protect us; for that we should be thankful, but we should recognize when it is irrational and learn some tools to calm it (instead of feeling betrayed by our minds when they take energy away from our focus or memory to direct it to our danger alert system). One website I have searched is https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/brain-fog.shtml I would cite other sources here, except that I’ve read so many and have committed these things to memory to use in my toolbox for surviving and thriving in a high stress job and a family that deals with a mentally ill family member with support, encouragement, and understanding. I won’t go on to list all of my stressers, but these are ongoing. Another possibility is that going through ‘the change’ is affecting my responses and causing irritability. Still, I am building a toolbox!
In my toolbox….
I must acknowledge that I have some really good friends at work that I can talk to about my stressers, and a boyfriend whom I have been dating for ten years. He has seen me through my son’s teen years, a major surgery, and many of my family traumas. I suppose I have seen him through some things as well, and he is patient when I am almost always late to social or family events. He jokes with me about it. We are both getting older, and he has some health issues as well as a family issue that are both on his mind lately. And I will be there for him. I am thankful for his presence in my life.
Another part of this toolbox is the education I received in college and the encouragement my loved ones provided me when young to keep writing. I write about a lot of concerns and anxieties, mostly in fiction form. That way, I can write the resolution; I can create a hero, not a victim, and I can create characters who are there to help and prove that some people can be trusted. I’ll be honest, I am not writing much fiction lately, but I am writing about my process with re-training my brain to deal with pain and change it into growth, starting with the process of physical therapy that is making me stronger every day. I am still dealing with sleep issues, but I see the doctor in about ten days. I know that all has something to do with the brain as well. Let’s not forget imagination. Being a writer of fiction, I have learned to work things out and write stories with heroes and lessons about those less fortunate than us. It gives me hope. I have written some stressful, tense situations into my fiction, which I feel creates conflict, as there certainly is in day to day life. I am 20% of the way into my next novel, and will return to it after I finish my current Teaching Gifted Endorsement class. But for now, imagining has helped me to identify music and songs that relax me and take me away when I have to let the tension go, and some of Jimi Hendrix’s music does just that. So I bought this beautiful book about him, so that I can know all I can of him, instead of obsessing over my health.
Next, I will need to start planning some real getaways, which has been on hold while I work on the pain and try to de-stress. I cannot drive anywhere stressed and anxious; I’ve tried it, and it’s not a good idea. The Endorsement class I have is a good escape for my brain, because I love learning, but at the same time it does produce some stress with deadlines and a lot of required reading. I can do this. I’ll read to learn more about Hendrix when I need a break. And those trips I wanted last year to D.C. or New Orleans are still in my plans. I CAN do this.
I hope all is well in your world, or that you are at least on the way there. Have a great week!
pamelascanepa 