Weekend Coffee Share,  Old Souls and Thunderstorms

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share,  hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Summer break is here, and in NE Florida, we don’t have to wait for Summer Solstice; there is plenty of sunshine already!

We have had a few strong thunderstorms. After work Monday, I came home and started some laundry. The skies got dark, and thunder started rolling. The anxiety my dog gets sometimes is very real. He paced, getting very nervous. I lay on my bed reading on my phone, and he jumped up so as not to be alone. Then hopped back down to pace again, panting as if he’d just run a mile.

I tried giving him a calming chew, sensing his heart must be racing like mad, but he wouldn’t take it. A few more turns of that dance, and I finally got him to take a calming chew as I held him in my arms. Poor guy, his anxiety seems to be worse as he ages. I went to my bed and he got up there and laid across me, so I couldn’t do much. He’d scratch at my arms, not very comfortable.

I decided I’d get off my phone and just hold him; after all, I was worried about him. It took a while, but his heart rate slowed, and he nestled into the crook of my arm. Finally, we both napped. My poor little anxious furbaby. I figure he had a rough time all alone with storms in his life as a stray dog. He’s now ten years old, and we’ve had him for 6 years, but it seems his fear and trauma from the past life are not easily forgotten.

Calm after the storm

The workday Monday consisted of finishing packing up my classroom. Yes, I finally was ready to move forward to summer. Of course, I have some travel plans for July and beach time in June. I’ll also be looking out for my mom when she gets her cataract surgery next week. Tuesday, I got some repairs on my car and started another summer goal, which is reading a book that involves 28 days of soul-searching. It also has ideas for journaling, so I started all that when I got back from the auto-shop.

As it was, I ran late getting to the auto-shop appointment, and my hair was still wet. No big deal, though. The Soul-Coaching book encourages accepting ourselves as we are, and there’s a lot about de-cluttering.

Tuesday night, I joined a walking group that meets weekly. We went 5 miles through some lovely, historic neighborhoods. I really enjoyed that, though my legs were screaming afterward. I think I’ll try it again. 🙂

Never mind that I took a one hour walk on the beach with a friend the next day. I did enjoy the sunshine and the company. She and I talked so much! If I keep it up, it’s shaping up to be a healthy summer ! Here’s a random shot from the hip:

Don’t ask me whose legs these are….

I actually don’t know whose legs those are, but I had to post it because it’s quite funny when a camera develops a mind of its own!

Still trying to get inspired to write more of Ellie’s story, a time travel adventure with an awesome femme-fatale. I got her into a rough spot and have to really think about the bridge for their to the end. I already have the end in mind:) I’m sure to return to her this summer, but I think I’ll try to outline everything. I am a mix of planner and pantser when it comes to writing books. Nothing wrong with that!

So, that’s my life as of late in a nutshell. I’m rolling with the punches/changes. No sweat! Haha… I hope you all have a great weekend.

Weekend Coffee Share, Another Year

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share,  hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Having been fortunate enough to sleep in this morning,  I am drinking hazelnut half-caff this morning! Pull up a chair and your favorite beverage. I decided on Kraugbin for our musical cafe ambience this morning.

I’ll regale you with my wisdom. Heh, scratch that. How about tales of my topsy-turvy life and how I’m managing? Though I’m not a fan of reality lately,  I sure won’t let it defeat me. I’ll let it throw its punches and I’ll fight back. All metaphorically, of course.  You can tell me about your life lately.

If you don’t know me, I’ll just tell you I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 1.5 years ago. I am no longer ashamed of this.  Being a writer, blogger, etc., I am in a place to share about myself in ways that may help others or that may simply connect me with other like-minded individuals.  Holding it in prevents many opportunities for me to be myself, encourage others, and to be honest about my life.  In fact, holding things in has shut me down in many ways throughout my life.  That is no longer my MO. I’ve been dealing with the anxiety, and I got through the pandemic as well as teaching middle schoolers; then suddenly, around my son’s twenty-fifth birthday,  two important people in my life have left my life.

It is my birthday today, and two days ago I felt I didn’t have the energy to even acknowledge it.  I am not ashamed to say that.  I am a human being with emotions.  However, I’m determined to always survive the storm.

So, I decided to just indulge in some of my favorite things this weekend.

Mom and I started by going out for Thai food and a glass of wine. A church friend, also a Gemini, invited me to her house for steamed crab and salad for lunch today.  I invited my mom, and neighbor, and a co-worker, another empty-nester mom for dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant.  Tomorrow, I shall take my dog to the dog park, something that always fills me with joy whether there are people there or not.  If there are other people there, they are dog-people, the best kind ever!

I feel good about my health, fitness, and my habits. I feel good in the skin I’m in!  Though I still struggle with pain at times, I don’t let it stop me.  In fact, the summer I was told I had arthritis, 8 years ago, was a summer I spent on the couch reading a 1,000 page book.  Of course, I still do read, but I mix it up with movement or using the phone Kindle while on my porch exerciser.

So, my life is just slightly topsy-turvy, but I still know what are my favorite things and have the means to fill my life with them, as well as being surrounded by positive people that encourage me constantly!

I’m getting ready soon to have that lunch with a fellow Gemini, and Mediterranean food later. It promises to be fun and life-affirming!

Have a great weekend, all!

Weekend Coffee Share: In Dreams I can Fly


Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Welcome to my Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Allison at Eclectic Ali. There is a fuzzy dog at my feet, and my mug contains matcha green tea, a ritual I follow three days a week in my attempt to be ‘awake but not wired’ and to ensure that coffee doesn’t interfere with my sleep later. Enjoy whatever beverage you’d like for our little chat!

Today I want to talk about dreams. Some nights I don’t have them. Other nights, I wake from a dream and think about it, then I start thinking about work or bills or, you name it, my thoughts start racing. It’s handy at 5:30 a.m., when I would soon be waking, but it’s agonizing at 3 a.m. However, I’ve noticed a recurring dream and wondered how it fits in with my life.

This recurring dream subject is the dream where I am lost on the streets of my city, trying to find my way home. In one of them, I am with my son as a child. In a more recent one, I am on my own. In each, my goal is the same, and I am completely unfamiliar with the streets I roam. They seem a little dangerous, or maybe they’re just different to me. In each dream, I entrust myself to strangers I meet on the street to help me get back to the main street and find a central point with which I am familiar. Some of them seem unsavory characters or street people, maybe young ‘thugs,’ but that is just a stereotype. All of these people help me and prove to me I was right to trust them. This certainly applies to my life. I’m learning.

****From the website https://realdreaminterpretation.com , a site heavy in Jungian psychology which earns points from me, I found these quotes helpful:

The problem of a dream like this is that you cannot find your way home.  The meaning of the dream lies in the symbolism of home and your inability to find your way to it.

The Symbolism of Home and Your Conscious Attitude

Our home symbolizes our whole situation in life, meaning our entire system of adaptation to life: our relationships, our motivating forces, and in particular, our dominate attitude.  By attitude I mean it in the way C.G. Jung defined it:

  • our habitual point of reference toward life
  • how we respond to typical life events without even thinking about it” (This hits a nerve, as my fight-or-flight tenses me up so often, automatically)

‘If you feel anxiety in your life (Duh, have you met me?), then now you know where to look for the problem. It has something to do with home and finding your your way into yourself.  If you do not feel anxiety, then the unconscious says, “Okay, there’s something wrong here and you don’t see it.  You haven’t found your way home yet.”

This dream image of lostness is an archetypal image: lost in the world.  It’s part of the Hero’s Journey. Anyone who takes the road less traveled will certainly  find themselves in this lost state. It’s the only path to your true self.  If this is you, then be happy that you have lost your way, even though it’s scary.”

****

Finding my way home for me could mean writing; it could mean writing the truth instead of making up fantastical stories, or it could mean just getting back to writing , as I have a sort of writer’s block currently. It could mean striking a balance between my traits I’ve developed to protect myself and those which move me to be fearless at times. I’ve spent years trying new things; perhaps that was just part of the journey, and now I’m figuring out which of these things are for me and which are not. For instance: getting a dog (keep), certain extra volunteer work responsibilities (lose or shuffle), my job (keep for now) :), teaching during COVID (well, I’m still doing it), church volunteer activities (not doing much in that way currently), writing (not doing enough of it), health and exercise (Yes, girl, keep it)!

Here’s the thing, if something does not feel right for me, such as, I feel controlled, feel boxed in, or mistreated, it is not my home. At my heart and soul level I have to lose or be rid of that thing (such as my former marriage). However, being who I am, I normally beat around the bush, negotiate, ask for small changes, and still suffer when I know I am not at home in my heart. Well, I have made such a move recently, and I feel so at peace. I’ve also been talking to people about my perception and my needs, and it feels great. It is the trusting I’ve done.

Part of trusting is trusting yourself. We’re normally ashamed to tell anyone we feel twisted up inside, but when you do so, and they hear and understand, you have also trusted the world and trusted you will handle it if they break that trust. You’ve put your truth out there, and if the world wants to judge you for it, that’s their problem. Remember the lotus? It’s even stronger because it struggled through the mud to bloom and become a beautiful flower. Lotus is a constant returning symbol that I use in my mindset. Let me tell you, as a writer, I am putting contents of my mind out there constantly…and every time I read Bad Boy by Walter Dean Myers where he bears his heart in his life story, I am encouraged to share my stories, and I feel a little more fearless.

The future is bright, my friends. I will find my way home, and it may be an atypical home, but I will feel at peace there and won’t hesitate to tell you about it.

Thank you for stopping by! Weekend Coffee Share is a global once a week event where we share our thoughts, lives, and progress with other bloggers far and wide. I know my share was a little specific; I’m just proud I was focused on something! You will find good people from all walks of life through the coffee shares, teachers, bloggers, writers, poets, community activists and you will be heard. Check out Allison’s site at https://eclecticali.wordpress.com/2020/12/04/weekendcoffeeshare-catching-up-2/#comment-12672

Have a great weekend and even better week next week!

Indie Author/ Gypsy Dancer #amwriting #poetry

2006blackdressleg179 circa 2006. *I used to dance a lot more.  But then, I write a whole lot more now. It is a dance of words.  

I don’t do this for riches,

I earn pennies a day.

I do this for the joy,

so, please don’t look away.

 

I’ll still dance even

if you don’t look,

but, yes, I want

you to read this book.

 

A gypsy dancer keeps on moving,

We think she has no home.

An indie writer, keeps on trying,

With no agent, on her own.

 

I’ve finally got the nerve

to dance for a crowd,

I open my arms wide…

ready to sing aloud.

 

I do this because I must,

it’s like an itch I must scratch.

Sometimes I aim to please,

but sometimes that’s a miss.

 

Pleasing the masses?

Unlikely, but I’ll try…

Yet a smile on just one face

can help me get by.

 

No matter what they think,

I will still dance on.

And for my dance of words,

You’ll remember me when gone.

 

 

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“A Girl Turns 50,” Top Ten Wishlist

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Photo taken, 1991 at Royal Gorge, Colorado.  The way I still see myself….

On this, my fifitieth birthday, I have ten wishes.  If nothing else, they’re good for a laugh.  Maybe you can identify?  I don’t know how am I fifty, anyway.  Where does the time go?

My Ten Fiftieth Birthday Wishes:

  1. Stick on eyebrows that won’t come off or irritate my skin when I take them off… I haven’t tried the stick-ons because I’m afraid.  That, and I’d suddenly look completely fake. Seriously though, where’d the eyebrows go?  Maybe a temporary tattoo of eyebrows would be better, because there’s no way I’d do a permanent eyebrow tatt, what if it went wrong?
  2. Eye make-up that applies itself.  Honestly, who has time for eyeliner?  Though the eye shadow can hide some wrinkles, I still only have time for it 1-2 days a week.
  3.  An extra pair of hands that will do all the typing I want.  They’ll respond to my every wish, but I will never feel their pain.
  4. A button on my shower that will emit lotion water.  Does that exist?  Well, it should.  Adjust your shower so it only hits you below the chin to avoid the eyes and mouth.
  5. Shoes that will massage your feet with every step.  Come on, that is not unrealistic!  Somebody needs to make this!
  6. For my favorite dress shirts to all be also available in cotton.  It absorbs sweat much more nicely than those other materials.  I could wear something other than t-shirts comfortably.
  7. A portable fan you can sit on your shoulder like a parrot.  It should be lightweight, too.  When a wave of sudden heat hits a gal, sometimes it shows up immediately on the face.  Just push the button and start the fan!  Everyone close by will benefit as well!
  8. Compression pants with extra padding at the hips and the rear area, for when you have to attend meetings sitting on hard chairs after a full day at work, yet you’d rather be on your couch with the feet up.  There should be some magnetic magic in the hip area for those of us with joint issues or arthritis.  Supposedly that helps.
  9. A new law to limit the cost of all band concerts so that I can afford to go to more of them every year.  Indoor/ outdoor, it doesn’t matter.  Music makes everything better and my budget isn’t growing much yearly.
  10. Something to drink on a long flight that will not upset my stomach.  Is there such a thing?  Travel is just not as comfortable as it used to be.  We need to fix that!

Oops, I’m at ten already.  I’m sure I could think of more, for instance, making every workplace dog-friendly and immediately lowering stress levels of all (well most) employees.  However, I promised ten, and ten puls a half is all you will get this time.  Just wait until I turn sixty!

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Here I am, a year ago, in the finest Jimi Hendricks t-shirt of cotton, very little eye make-up, and subtle eyebrows.  (Subtle, LOL)…You’re right, I don’t want to act like a middle-aged woman!

Word Play. #WorldPoetryDay

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I love words

when they gather

in obedient herds

to do my bidding

and make my point,

to let my thoughts be heard.

Though sometimes they serve me

like an unsuspecting dish.

I trip and they unnerve me.

Tongue-tied, I sit quiet

afraid they’ll have me

earning a worm-filled diet.

This is just part of the dance.

I shall never quit,

no, not a chance.

“Word Play” by Pamela Schloesser Canepa. (c) 2018

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